Newlywed ditches pal
The following column was originally published in 2013.
Dear Annie: Last year, my best friend of 20 years married someone who comes from a very wealthy background. The wedding was beautiful. I spent hundreds of dollars on travel to get an expensive bridesmaid dress, attend the bachelorette party and go to the wedding. I tolerated the typical “let’s talk my wedding to death,” while my relationship with my boyfriend was ending.
At the wedding, I discovered that the groom told his friends and family that I had slept around at the bachelorette party. This was a total lie, and the bride knew it. The bride’s past is, let’s say, seedy. But she allowed her husband to tag me as part of that wild partying past — a lifestyle about which I had fought with her many times.
After her honeymoon, she sent me a lengthy email detailing the end of our friendship. She said she could no longer handle my “drama” and claimed I was forcing her to choose between her marriage and our friendship.
We had 20 years of friendship through thick and thin. She wasn’t available for me when I needed her, but I wasn’t jealous of what she had. I was truly happy for her.
Mind you, her husband is a pot-smoking fast-food employee. Their lifestyle is entirely subsidized by his parents. But I never once said I thought her husband was a loser, even though he treated me terribly at the wedding.
Why would my friend do this to me? Hurting in Miami
Dear Hurting: We think your friend is intimidated by her boyfriend and his family, and the request to cut you off came from him. This could simply be a gesture of shedding her old life and starting over, and your feelings toward her groom may be more apparent than you realize. But it could also be more insidious — he could be a controlling husband who wants to isolate her. Please see if you can meet with her in person. Otherwise, send her an email saying you are sorry she feels the friendship must end, you will miss her, and you are available if she ever needs you.
Dear Annie: My husband told his cousin that she and her husband are always welcome to stay at our house. That was two years ago. I now have learned that they want to stay with us for five nights beginning next month.
Not only will I be working the days these relatives will be staying with us, but I have health issues and cannot handle the extra work that comes with having house guests. How do I tell these cousins that I am not up to having them stay at our house without causing hard feelings? Suggestions, Please
Dear Suggestions: Your husband should handle this, but we suspect he won’t. So it falls on you to call these cousins and say that you are sorry, but you simply are no longer up to having house guests. Give them contact information for area hotels, and tell them you are looking forward to seeing them and taking them out for dinner. If your husband objects, tell him the only way the cousins can stay is if he handles housekeeping duties.