It takes effort to make a marriage work

This column was originally published in 2013.

Dear Annie: I recently learned that my husband of 40 years has reconnected with an old flame. I don’t think anything has happened between them yet, but I am sure he’d go for it if he knew he wouldn’t get caught. So, I would like to address this to her.

Dear Other Woman: My husband is a good provider, but don’t expect companionship. I can count on one hand the number of times we have seen a movie in 40 years. Don’t expect him to attend church or any other activity with you. Don’t expect to have a social life. Don’t expect him to go for a walk with you, even though he has a number of health issues and a walk would be good for him.

Do expect to work full time and still do almost everything else to run the household. Do expect him to spend almost every evening and weekend watching TV. Do expect him to want sex on a regular basis, although he doesn’t care about your satisfaction. When his grandchildren visit, do expect to entertain and watch them, because he won’t.

From your conversations with him, you probably think I am just baggage at this point, but say the word, and I will pack his suitcase. Too Tired To Care Dear Too Tired: Your marriage sounds depressing and exhausted. If you want to salvage what’s left, please consider putting some energy back into it. Marriage takes effort from both partners. Your husband is looking for excitement, and you’re fed up with his self-centred behaviour. Is it too late for you to work up any interest? Could he possibly learn to be more considerate? Please get some counselling, with or without him, and decide what you want from your life and whether it includes your husband.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.