Heavy-drinking husband could be suffering from depression

The following column was originally published in 2013.

Dear Annie: I am a 34-year-old wife and mother of four. My husband is 44 and drinks on a daily basis. I don’t mind a few cans of beer when he gets home. However, he drinks at least a six-pack, usually more, every day after work. I’m tired of arguing with him about his drinking. He always responds, “At least I drink at home and not at the bar.”

My husband also refuses to get an annual physical exam. He never sees a doctor or a dentist, even if he is sick. I’m really worried about his health. I want him to live long enough for our children to reach adulthood.

I have asked my husband whether he will let me take him for a physical. If the doctor says he is healthy, my heart will be at peace. I think he is being selfish, only thinking of himself.

He talks so much of pride. But he doesn’t consider what would happen to his family if anything were to happen to him. My youngest child is only four. How do I get him to cut back on his drinking and see a doctor? Worried Wife

Dear Worried: We don’t think your husband is being intentionally selfish. We think he is afraid. People who avoid doctors and dentists often do so because they fear what the doctor will find. Those with a drinking problem may be concerned that the doctor will discover damage from the drinking, but they are unwilling to stop. If your husband’s drinking has increased, he may also be depressed and self-medicating. You can try talking to him about these possibilities. Unfortunately, he may not be willing to admit any of this or change his behaviour, in which case, the best you can do is protect yourself. Make sure he has a valid will and his affairs are in order. And contact Al-anon (al-anon.alateen. org) for support.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.