Tell your mother how you really feel

The following column was originally published in 2013.

Dear Annie: I’d like to add my two cents about whether parents treat their children the same.

Mom, Sis and I live equidistant from one another. Sis still lives near the place where we grew up. Mom moved to a warmer climate. We call each other every weekend to catch up and stay in touch. Sis and I fly to visit Mom about once a year.

Mom visits Sis and her family a few times a year. But despite the many invitations I have extended, she will not visit me. When I had heart surgery five years ago, Mom did not come. When I was hospitalized for pancreatitis, Mom did not come. Of the 25 stage plays I’ve appeared in, Mom came to see exactly one. She will never see the home my wife and I remodelled. It seems the things that are important to me don’t matter much to her.

I suppose there is a certain amount of validity in her excuse that there’s nothing that interests her in my city, but when we visit our son and his family, we don’t care whether there is anything to do. Does Mom love me? Certainly. Does she love me as much as my sister? Probably. Does she treat us the same? Judge for yourself.

That’s My Lot in Life Dear Lot: We wish your mother could better appreciate what you are offering. So many parents write us saying their kids have no interest in being close. We suspect Mom simply feels more comfortable around her daughter than her son and daughter-inlaw. It’s not uncommon. But it is unfair of her to penalize you for it. Keep in mind, travelling may become more difficult for Mom as time goes on. But until then, please tell her how you feel and ask her to make a greater effort to participate in your life. We hope she will.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.