Visiting mother-in-law is making life difficult

The following column was originally published in 2013.

Dear Annie: My fiancé’s mother has a rocky relationship with both of her sons. We see her infrequently, but still, my fiance loses his patience with her quickly. At first I was OK with her, but now she annoys me, as well.

My mother says to just be polite to her, which I try hard to do. Conversations with her are impossible, and I feel I need to walk away.

She has a psychiatric disorder, although I am not sure of the diagnosis. My fiancé’s grandmother indicates it is schizophrenia, so I don’t want to push her too far. We are getting married soon at a courthouse. During an unplanned and uninvited trip, she said it is too expensive for her and my fiancé’s father to travel to see us get married. I am fine with this, but my fiance is upset that his parents do not care enough to make it work. They can afford the airline tickets.

I think it is my fiancé’s place to explain his hurt feelings to them. Do I continue to be polite about it? I am currently working long hours to avoid being in my home while she is visiting. Is there a better way to handle this?

Z. Dear Z.: Yes, please continue to be polite. We recognize that his mother’s behaviour is difficult, but you see her infrequently, so try to tolerate her as best you can for your fiancé’s sake. He obviously cares a great deal about his parents.

He should tell them how important it is to him that they attend the wedding, but he cannot control their response. We hope they will make the effort to be there, and we hope you will be supportive without commiserating too much.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.