Boss needs to check her behaviour

The column was originally published in 2013.

Dear Annie: My boss has become a good friend. We eat lunch together most days and sometimes meet up after work. She is smart, fun, kind and generous. But she can’t stand it when others compliment me.

She gets angry if anyone comments on my clothing or hair. I recently got my hair cut, and she’s made enough nasty little barbs for me to know she doesn’t like it. That’s OK. I am not so childish or insecure that I need everyone to like my hair. I’m happy with it, and that’s

enough. But another woman in our department jokingly said to our boss, “How do you like your ‘new’ assistant? Doesn’t she look sexy with that haircut?” My boss walked off in a huff.

What can I do to stop this behaviour? My husband says she is jealous, but there is no reason for that. I would never be rude to her and don’t understand why she wants to hurt me. She gets defensive when criticized, so I’m hesitant about opening this can of worms.

Need a Thicker Skin

Dear Need: Your boss could be jealous, which doesn’t need a rational

cause, or she could be extremely possessive and not want others to notice you in a way that might divert your attention from her. As your boss, she should not be putting you in a position where you are afraid to speak up. Since you consider her a friend, the next time this happens, casually mention that her reaction gives the appearance that she’s jealous. Then change the subject. She may deny it and even be angry, but it might have the desired effect if it makes her examine her behaviour more closely.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.