Friendship in jeopardy

Originally published in 2013

Dear Annie: I’m 16 and have been best friends with “Cindi” since second grade. Last weekend, my parents attended a party and allowed Cindi to stay overnight. Two people broke into the house to rob it.

They tied up and gagged Cindi and then forced me to take them from room to room putting things in a sack. Before leaving, they tied and gagged me, too, leaving both of us face down on the floor. Over the next few hours, we struggled and then tried to talk and even started giggling, but mostly, we just waited for my parents to come home and call the police.

Naturally, we’ve been the “stars” at school since then, but I discovered that Cindi is telling her own version of what happened. She says I was weepy and panicky. I don’t want Cindi to portray me as a weakling to our friends.

Bound, Gagged and Furious

Dear Bound: Cindi does this because she wants to make herself look good. The fact that she does it at your expense is damaging the friendship, and you should say so and ask her to stop. You also can let your friends know that you remember things a little differently, while holding your head up and not letting it get to you. But mostly, we hope you realize how very fortunate the two of you are to have escaped this robbery unharmed.

Dear Annie: A fairly new friend and I just returned from lunch, after which I realized that a rather frequent problem has happened yet again.

When I’m with others, I chatter. I tell overly detailed stories. I even strike up conversations with people around me in lines and with store clerks. Sometimes, before meeting with people, I tell myself that I will make an effort to control my chatter, but when I am having fun, I forget.

I want to be a person who asks and listens. Do you have any clues for reining myself in? Chatty Cathy

Dear Chatty: The fact that you notice your chatter and wish to stop is a good sign, although you may be a little hard on yourself. Try counting to 10 when someone starts speaking. Listen to what they are saying. Imagine that it is a fascinating subject, and try to formulate a question or comment that allows them to expand on the topic. You don’t have to do it every time, but even once or twice during a conversation will help you slow down and focus on the other person. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.