Some choices best left uncriticized

The following column was originally published in 2013. Dear Annie: Both my husband and I are on our second marriages. We promised each other that when our children were engaged, we would talk to them to ensure they were not making a mistake. I wish my parents had done this, even though I realize I might not have listened.

My husband’s son got engaged suddenly at the age of 21 to his first girlfriend. My husband and I thought he was far too immature to get married. At the time, his fiancee was extremely loud and boorish and also inexperienced in the dating world. We spoke to our son and explained that he was young and there are many fish in the sea, and that even if he were madly in love, there is no need to rush to get married.

Well, he told his fiancee, and we were not invited to the wedding. Now, neither of them speaks to us.

We tried to get his sister to pass along birthday greetings on our behalf, but she said, “I don’t want to get involved.”

It’s been nearly six years. We miss our son greatly. How do you suggest we proceed?

Unhappy Parents

Dear Unhappy: Your heart was in the right place, but disparaging a child’s intended spouse is asking for trouble. They rarely listen and often become defensive and angry.

The best you can do now is swallow your pride. Phone or send a letter or email saying you were wrong to have interfered, that you can see that their marriage was the right choice for them, that you are sorry for engendering ill will and that you hope they will forgive you.

Add that you miss them, and ask whether there is anything you can do to improve the relationship. We hope they respond positively.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.