A NANNY STATE
Mary Poppins Returns promises to hook a new generation, Chris Lackner writes.
MOVIES
Big releases: Mary Poppins Returns (Dec. 19); Aquaman (Dec 21); Bumblebee (Dec 21).
Big picture: She sure took her sweet time. Fifty-four years, to be exact. But the titular nanny in Mary Poppins Returns returns to administer her mix of whimsical wisdom, music and mystery. Like a magical flying stalker, she re-enters the lives of the now-grown-up Banks children from the original — Michael and Jane — and their unsuspecting offspring. Emily Blunt wields the umbrella in the sequel; Broadway’s Lin-manuel Miranda plays a happy-go-lucky lamplighter (chimney sweeps are soooo old-fashioned). Meryl Streep — for some inexplicable reason — plays an unnecessary new character: Mary’s wacky cousin Topsy.
Meanwhile, DC tries to not screw up another potential comic-book franchise with the original story of Aquaman, the half-atlantean, trident-wielding member of the Justice League played by Jason Momoa.
On the prequel front, Bumblebee tells the story of robot alien disguised as a yellow VW bug that befriends a girl named Charlie (Hailee Steinfeld) — and kicks some Decepticon butt — in this origin story of the lovable Transformer. It’s like Short Circuit only with more explosions and shape shifting.
Forecast: I’m not the only one who would have preferred crossovers this week. Case in point: Mary Poppins Returns ... With Bumblebee, with it’s epic song-and-dance number “Transforming is Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!” Or Aquaman vs. Mary Poppins: Trident Meets Umbrella.
TV
Big events: The 4th annual Howie Mandel Stand-up Extravaganza (Dec. 19, CTV); The Beaverton Ruins Your Holiday Special (Dec. 20, CTV); Bird Box (Dec. 21, Netflix); 7 Days Out (Dec. 21, Netflix)
Big picture: Netflix comes bearing two gifts. Based on Josh Malerman’s novel, Bird Box finds Sandra Bullock, Sarah Paulson and John Malkovich in a post-apocalyptic world where everyone must wear blindfolds to survive.
The enemy are creatures — or some kind of deadly phenomenon — that can take the form of our worst fears. They basically drive humans insane — but only if we can see their nightmarish craftsmanship.
Meanwhile, 7 Days Out is a new documentary series that follows the lead-up to major cultural events such as a NASA mission, the Kentucky Derby ... or when Mary Poppins returns.
CTV also wishes us a happy holidays with humour in the hands of The Beaverton and Howie Mandel.
Forecast: Bird Box will make your fears take flight. As for comedy, you could always find it in musical form instead …
MUSIC
Big holiday release: William Shatner (Shatner Claus: The Christmas Album)
Big picture: The Canadian icon and occasional starship captain has long been known for his oneof-a-kind “singing” voice. Now, imagine him pairing up with the likes of Henry Rollins on Jingle Bells and Iggy Pop on Silent Night. Throw a Blue Christmas duet featuring Brad Paisley. Sure, it came out at the end of October. But it’s still a Christmas miracle. This will please many a Shatner fan; alternately it could serve as coal in some people’s stockings. Use it wisely.
Forecast: As long as Shatner is around, there will be no silent night. I’m not the only one quietly hoping Shatner has a surprise musical cameo/duet in Mary Poppins Returns. A Spoonful of Sugar, anyone?