Forgiveness takes plenty of patience and lots of time
Dear Annie: Four months ago, I foolishly accused my 22-yearold daughter of something of which she was innocent. She was deeply hurt. I tearfully told her many times over several days how sorry I am.
I begged for forgiveness. She said she is not capable of forgiving once she is hurt so much.
My daughter is engaged and planning a simple wedding ceremony in a church next summer.
She has become distant and withdrawn, and there is no warmth like there was before. She tells me she is trying hard to get closer and hopes one day to forgive me. My daughter is adopted. Before our falling out, her biological father and I were supposed to walk her down the aisle together.
It would be one of the greatest honours of my life. My fear now is that there will be no reconciliation before the wedding. I would not be able to walk her down the aisle nor even attend her wedding under these circumstances.
My wife and my daughter’s fiancé have told her she needs to forgive me, but it hasn’t happened. While I hope she finds it in her heart to do so before the wedding, what should I do if that doesn’t happen? Bereft in California
Dear Bereft: Forgiveness can take a long time depending upon the offence and the personalities involved. Add to that the stress of planning a wedding, and your daughter may be overwhelmed and unable to deal appropriately with the complications of your relationship. But weddings can also encourage people to reconcile, and we hope that will happen. There is still time. Unless you are specifically told not to go to the wedding, please attend, even if you don’t have the opportunity to walk the bride down the aisle. Your presence is a show of support for her and also an act of contrition that you are willing to be there in spite of being “demoted” from father of the bride to guest.
Dear Annie: My partner and I moved into our house a year ago. So far, we have met only one of our neighbours.
Would it be OK to give some of the others a Christmas card to try to open up a line of friendship? We are a gay couple and don’t wish to offend anyone. Trying To Be a Friendly Neighbour
Dear Trying: It is never inappropriate to send holiday greetings to your neighbours. Those who don’t wish to communicate will not respond. Those who do are likely to send a card in return or at the very least acknowledge you when they see you.
But keep in mind some people are simply busy, go in and out of garages and rarely have the opportunity to see or chat with their neighbours. Please don’t assume it’s personal. If you want to know them better, invite them for coffee or host a party.