It’s time to end this doomed relationship

The following column was originally published in 2014.

Dear Annie: I have been in a committed relationship for a year. Admittedly, my girlfriend and I (we are lesbians) rushed into things. We moved in together quickly when she broke up with her girlfriend of five years. After the first month, “Dennie” cheated on me with her ex. I wrote it off, but a few months later, she cheated again. I have generalized anxiety disorder and started to associate going to work with Dennie’s cheating, which made my work life miserable.

Shortly after all of this happened, I emotionally cheated with an ex of my own. I admitted this to Dennie. She was angry and sad, but I said she should give me a second chance because I’d already given her two. I deleted my ex’s phone number and blocked her in all forms of communication.

I recently found out that Dennie visited her ex when she was briefly in the hospital. It wasn’t cheating, but we had agreed that one of the conditions of continuing our relationship is that all contact with the exes must be stopped. One month later, Dennie cheated on me again with this same girl — in our home. It’s hard for me to look at Dennie the same way. I’ve asked Dennie to go with me for counselling, but she says she wants us to work it out on our own. She says she isn’t the only one at fault. We’ve both made mistakes, but the difference is that I’ve learned from mine. I can’t continue unless we both can be faithful. What should I do? Cheated On Again

Dear Cheated On: Dennie is not yet over her ex, and you seem well aware of it. You were her rebound. You desperately want Dennie to be someone she is not. Unless you want your heart broken over and over, please let her go. Even if she doesn’t return to her ex, her next relationship might not be with you. If you can accept this outcome, you can move forward.