Affairs a violation of trust
This column was originally published in 2014.
Dear Annie: I’ve considered writing every time I read about someone who thinks their spouse is having an affair. Facebook and other social media have opened the door to secret connections, contact with old flames and private conversations with co-workers. I didn’t fully understand the issue until I found that my husband was communicating with various other women this way.
I never expected this. My husband was an upstanding professional, and we had been married 25 years. When someone gets caught communicating with another and protests that “nothing happened,” what they mean is that they aren’t yet sexually involved. But a lot has happened. It’s a betrayal. Once a husband or wife closes a window to the spouse and opens it to another person, it creates an intimacy.
A better definition of an affair is that it’s something that violates trust.
My husband and I now work every day to keep those windows open only to each other. He finally understands that it’s not sex that makes the affair. It’s taking your emotional passion and giving it to someone other than your spouse.
Trusting Again
Dear Trusting: We agree that trust is the bottom line of any relationship, providing the security and confidence that allow it to survive for the long haul.
We are glad that you and your husband managed to work on this together and repair your marriage. Thank you for offering both good counsel and hope for others.
Dear Annie: Your answer to “Annoyed Grandma” about a grandchild with no boundaries was right-on.
Our teenage daughter begged us to go to an unsupervised party, and we said no. Her friends even told us “everyone’s going.” In spite of her anger, we all made it through.
Two years later, she said: “Remember the party I begged you to attend? I want to thank you for not giving in. I didn’t want to go, but I didn’t want to lose face with my friends, and I used you as my excuse. I knew you wouldn’t let me down.” Tough love is worth it.
Mom of a Super (now-52-year-old) daughter