Change in husband’s attitude is difficult to comprehend
Dear Annie: Please help me understand why my husband of 10 years is slowly distancing himself. We used to laugh, go to the movies, go out for dinner and breakfast on Sundays, but now he doesn’t want me to touch him. He has no compassion, and there’s no sex and no affection.
I’ve asked him why this is happening, and he simply says, “That was never me. I’m not the passionate person you think.”
If I suggest going somewhere together, I get major attitude and total negativity from him. He doesn’t even want to go out for my birthday, or our anniversary.
About two years ago, he suggested separate bedrooms, and I agreed because I didn’t know what else to do. I’m thinking of moving out. We are like roommates with no communication at all. I have suggested counselling, but he says, “You can go. I’m not interested.” What’s going on? —Slowly Falling Out of Love
Dear Slowly: There are several possibilities. Your husband may be having an affair and his affection is saved for the other woman. He may have a hormonal problem that is interfering with his libido, and he pushes you away in order to avoid being intimate. He may be gay and only put on a show to get married and now is no longer interested in the charade. Here’s the suggestion: Get counselling for yourself. You have choices to make, and some guidance would be helpful.
Dear Annie: I read with interest the letter from “Guilty Conscience,” who decided to stay in her marriage after a fling with a married man. But she was still unhappy in her marriage and couldn’t stop thinking about him.
Years ago, I found myself in the same predicament. My husband and I went to counselling, but things did not improve. I, too, could not forget about the other man. One of my bosses urged me to follow my heart, so I divorced my husband and began raising my kids on my own. My lover divorced his wife, and we married a year later. We have now been happily married for 25 years. Every situation is different, but sometimes these things work out.