Husband’s emotional affair a serious red flag

Dear Annie: I recently found out that my 62-year-old husband has been texting a woman with whom he had an intimate relationship in the past. He has admitted that these texts were flirtatious and filled with “dirty talk.” He swears that there was no physical contact, but I’m skeptical. It’s been going on for at least eight months, and I am not convinced it is over. He deleted her name from his contacts, but kept her cellphone number under a fake name.

During this same period, my husband did not give me an anniversary card or a Valentine’s Day card, nor did we go out to lunch as often as we usually did. He also announced that he wants to get a new wedding ring, as he is “bored” with the one I gave him 12 years ago.

He has allowed this woman to come between us. Whether or not there was anything physical, this was absolutely an emotional attachment. He insists that she means nothing to him, but I feel rejected and foolish. Am I wrong to consider this an affair? — Ohio

Dear Ohio: You’re not wrong. Your husband doesn’t appear to be trustworthy, especially if he still has this woman’s number in his cellphone and is trying to hide it from you. Even if he no longer texts her, it means he is unwilling to cut off contact, perhaps keeping her “in reserve.” Please get some counselling, with or without him,

and work on your next step.

Dear Annie: I’ve been close friends with “Lisa” for many years. We’ve shared many important life events and social occasions over that time. She is warm, intelligent, educated and respected. Since she moves in well-educated circles, people are shocked by her mispronunciation of words that are normally corrected in elementary school. For instance, she says “pitchers” instead of “pictures,” which she puts in her “liberry” instead of “library.”

None of us would risk offending her by calling this to her attention, but we also know that her job puts her in a position to influence young adults who notice these things. Several of her friends (including me) have used these same terms correctly in front of her as a kind way of pointing out her errors, but she just doesn’t get it.

How do we help Lisa without damaging her pride and our relationship? Or should we ignore it and let the chips fall? — Need Some Guidance

Dear Guidance: It is difficult to correct a grownup’s pronunciation without causing offence. You are neither her teacher nor her parent. If Lisa is married, would her partner comment?

Otherwise, we recommend you accept her as she is and keep using those words correctly so she can hear them and, hopefully, incorporate them into her daily speech.

Dear Readers: Happy Halloween. Please remember to dress your trick-or-treaters in flame-retardant costumes that don’t obstruct their walking, or their breathing, or their vision, and be sure to accompany them as they make their rounds of the neighbourhood.