Estrangement can take a toll

Originally published in 2014.

Dear Annie: I have an estranged sister, and we haven’t spoken in 20 years. Family members are always concerned at weddings and funerals that there will be a “scene” if both of us are invited. I feel these events are not the time or place for family squabbles.

However, at our grandmother’s funeral, I simply ignored my sister. But she insisted that she wanted a hug from me. I simply and politely told her “no.” She stormed out, crying all the way.

I don’t make scenes at family gatherings and couldn’t care less if she’s there or not. So why is it that the majority of my family sees me as the bad guy?

Couldn’t Care Less in Idaho

Dear Idaho: Your sister enjoys giving the impression that she wants to reconcile, which makes you seem heartless. If you don’t care, then this shouldn’t matter to you. But we will say that after 20 years, you might want to see whether a reconciliation is possible. People change, and being estranged from a sibling can take a toll.

Dear Annie: This is for “Taking Care of Everything in Iowa,” the sister who is caring for her parents without help from her siblings, who tell her to get a full-time job. My family just went through this. Dad and his wife had 24/7 caregivers, costing nearly $4,000 a month. If her siblings want her to find full-time work, are they willing to pay for 24/7 caregivers? I doubt it.

Just a Guy

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.