Concerned uncle should become a role model

This column was originally published in 2014.

Dear Annie: I am a concerned uncle at an impasse. I have a young adult nephew who seems perfectly content not to go anywhere in life.

“Peter” wasn’t the smartest kid in school, but he managed to graduate. He now moves from job to job, never keeping one for more than six months. He seems perfectly fine with living at home and visiting my elderly father in senior housing.

When I talk to Peter about his behaviour, he pays no attention. He only wants to hang around and play video games and see friends who don’t help.

He doesn’t think very highly of himself, though I tell him he is capable of being anything he wants. He seems to be immature for his age and still in the self-gratification stage. He has no interest in becoming an adult, earning a paycheck and moving out.

I worry he sometimes takes advantage of my dad, who is reluctant to see Peter’s faults. The kid really needs a hard dose of reality, but I can’t get through to him. I don’t want him to be like this and live in his mother’s house for the rest of his life or, worse, end up in trouble and be a burden on society. Is there any way to enlighten him?

Run Out of Ideas Dear Run Out: You sound like a caring uncle, but Peter has to want this for himself, and he’s not there yet. It also doesn’t help when others around him enable his freeloading, irresponsible behaviour.

This includes his parents, who should be the first in line to handle this. We recommend you stop trying to “enlighten” Peter and simply be a good role model for him. Demonstrate adult male behaviour and the respect it engenders. Be someone he can turn to for help, and not another person in his life who is chastising him for coming up short.