Volunteer may not know she’s pushy
This column was originally published in 2015.
Dear Annie: I live in a southern city, and many northerners have moved here and attend our church. Most are delightful, and we love having them. But we are having a problem with one of the women.
“Doris” is an eager volunteer and a competent, efficient worker who is anxious to take on more responsibilities. Unfortunately, she also can be rude, aggressive, condescending and almost combative. We suspect she doesn’t intend to be so difficult, but her demeanour unfortunately follows the old-fashioned stereotypical “New York pushy” attitude.
We want Doris to feel welcome and included in more activities, but we find ourselves making excuses to stay out of her way.
How can we let her know that her attitude is obnoxious? We don’t want to offend her. She has many good qualities, but needs to tone it down a whole lot to make herself more pleasant to be around.
Southern Sally
Dear Sally: Some of Doris’s aggressive attitude may diminish over time, simply by being around others who are less so. But it’s certainly OK to say gently, “Doris, your enthusiasm is wonderful, but could you tone it down just a wee bit?” Say it with a genuine smile, and perhaps ask for her opinion on a different matter. She cannot modify her behaviour if she is unaware that it needs work.
Dear Annie: I would like to reach out to “Distraught,” who recently found out that his eldest son molested his siblings. He wondered whether the eldest son had been abused by a parish priest.
I am greatly saddened by his loss and the pain endured by his family. I would like him to know that there is great hope for healing and that he and his family don’t have to struggle with this alone.
Every Roman Catholic diocese in the United States has at least one individual who serves as a victim assistance co-ordinator. These co-ordinators are caring and compassionate people whose calling is to help individuals and families find hope and healing after abuse. Please encourage “Distraught” to contact a victim assistance co-ordinator through the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops.
Grand Island, Neb.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.