Cash-flow complaints grating on girlfriend
This column was originally published in 2015.
Dear Annie: I am divorced and have been dating a younger guy for three years. At the moment, “Cliff” doesn’t have a stable job and constantly complains that he has no money. But he has a nice place and car (with his parents’ help) and enough cash to buy food, etc. I will be moving into a new condo with money from the sale of my house and some help from my parents. I work part time and don’t make a lot, but I manage. How can I ask him to stop complaining about his financial state?
A.
Dear A.: People who are having financial difficulties rarely are consoled by hearing about how much tougher it is for someone else. Cliff is focused on his own problems, and the constant complaining ensures that you will focus on him as well. If this is the only thing about Cliff that bothers you, simply ignore his complaints and sympathize when you feel up to it.
Dear Annie: I am an RN who worked in long-term care for many years. We had mandatory sensitivity training of staff toward seniors. It is not only patronizing but also belittling to any adult to address them as “honey,” “sweetheart” or anything other than their given name. Our staff was taught to address them with respect and ask what they wish to be called.
I recently retired and my hair is turning grey. I suddenly find servers and customer service people calling me “honey.” We seem to treat anyone past a certain age as a child instead of with the respect they deserve. When someone uses such patronizing terms with me, I smile and say, “My name is not ‘Honey.’ It is Joan.” If they are receptive, I explain why it is disrespectful to address an adult in this manner. I do this in a kind way and consider it a mini-sensitivity training session. If people find it too difficult to confront wait staff and others who are patronizing them, they can carry a copy of this column with them and leave it with the tip on the table.
Don’t Call Me Honey Unless
You Are My Husband
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.