Cross-dresser wonders what family would think
Dear Annie: I’m a 24-year-old male who has been cross-dressing since the age of eight. Because I currently live on my own, I change out of my male clothes into my female ones as soon as I come home from work. I’ve also had very serious thoughts and dreams about being a woman.
This is confusing to me, and I want to know whether there is someone I can talk to.
Lost in Ottawa
Dear Ottawa: Some people crossdress to disguise themselves, be more comfortable, act a part or because it is attractive to a partner (e.g., women who wear a man’s dress shirt to bed). That type of cross-dressing is fairly common and socially acceptable.
For others, there is a sexual component or a release of tension, along with a compulsion to wear clothing of the opposite gender. You can find support and information through the Society for the Second Self and the International Foundation for Gender Education.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from “At a Loss for Words,” the daughter who is constantly hurt by her mother’s lack of involvement with her children. She could work on changing her own behaviour toward the situation. She has taught her mother how to treat her by always being loving and kind in spite of Mom’s narcissistic attitude. Perhaps she should take a different approach and just invite Mom to her children’s events with only brief notice and no expectation that Mom will show up. The more distance she puts between herself and her mother the more Mom will want to be involved, because she will wonder why things changed. I bet as Mom ages, she will try harder and harder to get involved with her grandchildren’s lives, but by that time, it will be too late. Sadly, it will take time for Mom to figure that out. Better Approach
Dear Better: You could be right. Sometimes withholding one’s attentions makes you more desirable, although it would take a major behavioural adjustment for the daughter to behave in an indifferent and uncaring way. But Mom may never quite care enough about missing out on one set of grandchildren. She has another set she favours, which is also part of the problem.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.