Saskatoon StarPhoenix

Isolation and abs both an exercise in perseveran­ce

My body not the only thing shredded with new workout

- DAWN DUMONT That’s What She Said

I like working out but I never have time. Normally.

Since the world is not normal anymore, I’ve had more time to do things that I don’t normally get to like cleaning under my couch — or at least thinking about cleaning under my couch.

While watching Youtube videos and marvelling how every person in their twenties seems to have figured out how to brand themselves (they even have their own intro music!), I stumbled across a video series by Chloe Ting. Ting is an “influencer” which basically means that she influences you into doing various absurd things which could range from buying a fringed purse, drinking a gallon of water, or in my case, doing mountain climbers.

I selected the Two Week Shred program which promised abs in two weeks. Abs to those who have been in a coma for the last 30 years, is when you have muscle definition in your abdominal area. I’ve never had it. My stomach is a wild horse that refuses to be controlled. Every attempt at doing ab workouts in the past felt like throwing a cupful of water on a tire fire.

But with everything crumbling beneath our feet, and I thought, “Oh what the hell.” I’ve no great expectatio­ns, but in a time when we have very little control over much, it amuses me to follow a work out schedule enforced by a woman so tiny that one of my farts could knock her over. Also, working out reduces stress — and strangely enough, I find myself a bit stressed these days!

Of course, it would take an apocalypse for me to start doing ab exercises.

The first couple of days were tough as I twisted myself through a few dozen different contortion­s — very quickly, I might add. This Chloe Ting don’t mess around. My first impression­s — my stomach bounces a lot when I do high knees running. And I felt oddly proud, like Homer Simpson when he announced at a doctor’s appointmen­t, “Look at that blubber fly!” Also, I discovered the most horrifying phrase in the English language, “Now we’ll move onto advanced mountain climbers.” Advanced?!

I persevered through the workouts. On Day 9 of the Shred, I took my measuremen­ts and my ego was the only thing that got shredded. Zero difference in the ab measuremen­t and a slight increase in the hips (this is normal for me — my butt deflates weekly and it’s only lunges that can pump it back up.)

One morning I woke up and I could see an ab muscle forming, but my stomach wasn’t having none of that. You see my stomach is a wily adversary. Once she saw that she might be losing, she went and recruited fat from other areas and moved it to my stomach. Well played tummy, well-played.

On the 14th and final day, I found that I was still challenged by the workouts. I even noticed that I was doing some of the exercises wrong. For my results — I lost an inch off my waist and gained an inch on my hips. I definitely feel and look more muscular which wasn’t even my goal but is a nice side benefit. I also dance more, all day long, which freaks the crap out of my dog but my kid loves the impromptu dance parties.

I’ve worked out my entire life, but I am still learning new things. Like many times I was halfway through one of the workouts and I wanted to give up but I was like, “well, sometimes in life you gotta do things even if it’s unpleasant and you don’t like it.” I don’t know, maybe this reminds y’all of something?

I’m heading into another Chloe Ting challenge. And no, I’m not joining her cult of personalit­y; I just can’t live without her, that’s all.

She is my Tiger King.

I felt oddly proud, like Homer Simpson when he announced at a doctor’s appointmen­t, “Look at that blubber fly!”

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