‘Girl from gym’ needs to chill

The following column was originally published in 2015, before the pandemic.

Dear Annie: I’ve been seeing (and sleeping with) “Jordan” for eight months. We met at the gym, and I asked him out because I had an amazing feeling about him. Since then, I’ve become infatuated. He is one of the kindest men I’ve ever met. I thought I saw a future for us.

But the other day, Jordan casually mentioned that he needed to change my name in his phone. When I asked what he meant, he said he still had me listed as “girl from the gym.”

I couldn’t believe it. We’ve been together eight months! I expressed my hurt and told him such a thing was very cold. He didn’t seem to think it was a big deal. I haven’t been able to get over this detail. I see it as a total lack of respect and proof of my impermanence in his life, and it means I’m definitely not someone important to him. Am I overreacting?

Phoney Love Dear Love: You are wildly overreacting. This is not an issue of coldness, impermanence or lack of importance. It’s laziness.

When Jordan first met you, you asked him out. You became “girl from the gym” so he would remember who you were. As you spent more time together, he grew to care about you, but editing your name required a minor effort he probably kept putting aside, since he knew how to reach you. Now he wants to look you up with your name. Yes, he’s late but he’s doing it now. If everything else is wonderful, just laugh and recognize that nobody’s perfect.