Mother and father had their own special bond

This column was originally published in 2015, before the pandemic and quarantine.

Dear Annie: My dad died two years ago. He was 73. Mom misses him so much. When we visit, she talks about all the nice things Dad used to do. This makes me sick.

When Dad was alive, he never missed a birthday, Christmas, Valentine’s Day or any other important day. He would always buy candy and flowers, and give a card to my mom. I never once saw Mom thank him, and she never bought him a thing, not even a card. I once asked Dad whether he minded not getting a gift from Mom, and he said he had four wonderful gifts already: his wife and three children. He often talked about how he met Mom in school and loved her from Day 1.

When Dad was alive, I asked Mom why she never got him gifts or cards. She told me, “He can buy anything he wants. Why should I buy him anything?” When he called her his high school sweetheart, she would say, “Don’t remind me.” Now she raves about him. I don’t understand.

Missing Dad

Dear Missing: Your parents developed a certain dynamic over the years: She played hard to get, and he showered her with affection and attention. This probably started in high school.

It doesn’t mean they didn’t love each other or that your mother doesn’t miss him terribly. Every couple has their own pattern of behaviour, and when it works, both are content, regardless of how it may appear to others. We know you think your father deserved better, but your mother is the one he wanted. And won.

Dear Annie: Should I have given my daughter a gift on Mother’s Day? She is married and has a child. Father’s Day is coming up. Should I give a gift to my son-inlaw?

Mother

Dear Mother: Giving gifts to people on these days is entirely optional.

Some people give only to their mothers. Others give to their mothers and wives. Still others give to daughters and daughtersin-law.

The same goes for fathers, and the list is endless. If you wish to give your daughter a gift on Mother’s Day, by all means do so. If you would rather not set such a precedent, you could give her a card. If you want to do something in between, a card with a rose is lovely, or the two of you could go out for brunch. The same idea applies to sons and sons-in-law. There are no rules about these things, so feel free to start your own traditions.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Fed Up,” who had problems finding clothing in her large, very tall size.

She should look for a tailor or seamstress who can make her clothes to order. Or, she could learn to sew and make her own. That’s what I do, and there is an infinite variety of patterns, fabrics and colours. Knowing how to sew would also allow her to alter any clothes she finds in retail stores.

P.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.