Husband needs help

The following column was originally published in 2015, before the pandemic.

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been happily married for 24 years. It is a second marriage for both of us. I am 68, and he is 71. We are still working. Fortunately, we enjoy our professions, but my husband will not be able to retire because his former wife receives alimony for the rest of her life.

A few years ago, my husband underwent intensive treatment, including chemo, radiation and surgery for cancer. He also suffers from treatment-related issues that undermine his health. Through all of this, he has been incredibly strong. He has fought bravely with very little drama. Lately, I’ve noticed some personality changes that make socializing difficult. One night with friends, he held the conversation throughout dinner with his exploits from 50 years ago. He also interrupted a conversation to tell a story about his high school. Our friends waited patiently, then returned to their original topic. I’ve also noticed some memory lapses and worry that it will affect his job. One of his colleagues has commented on his forgetfulness. I hesitate to discuss it with him because I don’t want to undermine his self-assurance at work. What would you suggest I do? Trouble in Paradise

Dear Paradise: Some ongoing medical treatments can have an effect on one’s overall health, including mental health. Also, as your husband gets older, it would not be unusual for him to develop memory and cognitive issues, which can contribute to monopolizing the conversation and focusing on past history. It best to address them now. Suggest to your husband that he speak to his doctor to be certain he is not having additional side-effects from the medication, and to ask how best to stay healthy, both mentally and physically.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.