Like Pulling Teeth

Sometimes things that look easy, aren’t

MY GIRLFRIEND, ANGELA, HAS BOTH HER HANDS IN MY SON’S mouth, trying one more time to loop the floss around his front tooth. “Agha...” says Zev. The floss is tied to a length of twine, which, in turn, is tied to the front door of our apartment. It will be my job to slam it while Brendon, our good friend from across the hall, records it on his phone. But first Angela has to get that tooth secured. “Agha!” says Zev, more insistently, and the floss slips off his tooth. “What?” says Ange, pulling her fingers out of his slobbering mouth. “Tighter...” says Zev, a little too late. This classic loose-tooth-tied-to-a-doorknob gag is all his idea, and he’s determined to get it done. It’s precisely the kind of thing he gets passionate about: a little mission that requires a bit of bravery, blood, and physics. For me, it’s been a remarkably crappy day — a hundred little things that didn’t go the way I’d hoped — and I’m happy we can put an end to it by helping my boy rip out his tooth. It’s a rare thing when catharsis and fatherhood are so eagerly entwined.

As the saying suggests, however, pulling teeth isn’t easy. In fact, we’ve already slammed the door once, yanking the twine out but leaving the tooth behind. And even trickier than pulling teeth is the business of losing them. It may, in fact, be one of the most dichotomous aspects of the human condition: a natural part of being very young and of growing very old, and yet so deeply unnatural in the rest of life that it’s banished to the realm of drug addicts, hockey goons, and our most anxiety-ridden nightmares.

Dreams in which your teeth fall out are, in fact, among our most common nightmares. If you type the words “dreams where” into Google, chances are the phrase will be completed not by “you fly” or even “you die’” but “your teeth fall out.” If you’ve never had this dream, you’re a lucky soul. It is truly terrifying. And, of course, the possible meanings, as suggested by all sorts of psychologists, analysts, and holistic dentists, are strange, varied and offer very little comfort. Traditionally, to lose a tooth in a dream represents a deep-seated fear that you’re losing control of your life.

When I sleep, my teeth become unhinged, tear, and crumble in my mouth