The Pop One Per Cent

How to talk shop about the albums that reigned over your newsfeed this year A disjointed, surreal, ever-changing opus that sounds about as confused as its author. “Well, he’s still working on the album, so I’ll reserve my judgment until it’s done.”

Twenty tracks of downbeat introspection that failed to live up to the hype, but nevertheless destroyed just about every chart record.

“It’s the kind of record that makes you miss the girl you didn’t wave back to in the third grade.”

A staggering array of edgy collaborations (Jack White, James Blake, Kendrick Lamar) showcasing the furious glory of a woman done wrong.

“Can’t wait for Jay-z’s follow-up banger about sleeping on a couch that costs more than a Bugatti.” The R&B crooner comes out of hiding with a disarmingly minimalist, intensely emotional paradox of a record. “It’s basically a crying Jordan face in aural form.” The singer’s most intentionally noncommercial album yet, full of weedy vibes, muted beats, and garbled gibberish.

“Once Rihanna finishes the lyrics to ‘Work,’ she’ll have a real hit on her hands, which we’ll promptly forget because Beyoncé”