Getting past a double life

Dear Wanting: You are a wonderful daughter and very sweet to be concerned about your mom. What your family went through was traumatic for all of you, and it was no doubt hurtful to your mom on many levels — as a mother wanting the father of her children to be there but also as a spouse whose love and trust were betrayed.

Sometimes when people go through intense traumas, they freeze, stuck in the moment of pain, paralyzed with fear. They never want to risk something terrible happening again. From what you’ve described, counseling is your mom’s best bet at working past this. I would also recommend “Waking the Tiger,” a book on trauma by Peter Levine.

You are wise not just beyond your years; you seem to have more emotional maturity than many people ever manage to develop. Your mother is blessed to have you in her life.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.