Why this is a men’s issue
Saturday, Nov. 25 marks the first of the 16 Days of Action to End Sex and Gender Based Violence, which we all too often perceive to be a women’s issue. There’s a problem with that position, and it has to do with the way we grew up.
Jackson Katz, Educator and cofounder of Mentors in Violence Prevention (MVP), says that identifying gender violence as a women’s issue is problematic because it gives men permission not to pay attention. Without men in the discussion, we stand little or no chance of making progress.
The cycle of abuse is predominantly perpetuated by men, and yet the burden of change is placed on women. William Muir, co-founder of Equal Community Foundation (ECF) has described his experience working with young men in India by pointing out that although it is estimated that more than 50 per cent of men under the age of 18 will likely grow up to rape and abuse women in that country, the programs in place to address the issues of violence are almost entirely directed at women. These changes are positive ones, promoting the education of women, increasing their employability and autonomy; giving them a “way out” of abusive relationships. But they do not address the cycle of violence, nor do they achieve anything in changing the nature of a misogynistic culture. The solution can only be found in addressing the root of the problem. Let’s be clear, the problem is not men as individuals, it is the way that we raise our men. Katz asks us to evaluate the roles that various institutions in our society play in helping to produce abusive men at pandemic rates. He reminds us that the system which produced men who abuse women is the very same which produces men who abuse other men. So what is going on with men? What is it that makes violence such a reflexive answer to the male gender?
There is a movement working to identify and address this question. Tony Porter, co-founder of A Call To Men calls it “The Man Box”; Connor Beaton, Founder of Mantalk calls it the “Mask of Masculinity”; Bill Pozzobon, Director of the Safeteen Boy's Program calls it “The Boy’s Code”. These are all terms used to describe the qualities that our young men and boys are raised to adhere to. You must be strong, tough and brave. Don’t show your pain, fear or emotion of any kind with the exception of anger. Don’t ask for help, figure things out, stay in control because men don’t go crying to their friends for help. During his presentation for TED Talks in 2010, Porter confesses that despite his enlightened view on the subject of gender-based violence, he is still guilty of having told his 5-year-old son to “stop crying”, “get yourself together and come back when you can talk to me like a man”. Even men who are astutely aware of the fact that they should not hurt women or children, have an instinct to adhere to these standards.
The consequences of this mis-education go far beyond gender violence, they generate men who are isolated, alone and depressed. According to a study by the World Health Organization, men are four times more likely to commit suicide than women. Beaton refers to a study in the UK that found 50% of men were unable to identify a best friend or a close friend in whom they confided. We need to heal our boys.
The White Ribbon Campaign, like each of the organizations above, works to address these standards through the re-education of boys and men. The movement positively engages men, young men and boys through relevant educational programming that challenges language and behaviours, as well as harmful ideas of manhood that lead to violence against women. Their vision is for a masculinity that embodies the best qualities of being human. They believe that men are part of the solution and part of a future that is safe and equitable for all people. To quote Katz, “We owe it to women, but we also owe it to our sons. They didn’t make the choice to learn that manhood is a certain way”. We all have a role in this fight, and as Muir says “if you are not somehow involved in finding the solution, then you are simply a part of the problem”. Silence and inaction are forms of consent and complicity.
“In the end, what will hurt most is not the words of enemies, but the silence of our friends.”-martin Luther King.
White ribbons are available at the LDWC (300-257 Queen street), Bishop’s University Doolittles, Champlain Regional College Reception.
SOURCES: www.whiteribbon.ca http://www.jacksonkatz.com/ https://mantalks.com/ http://www.acalltomen.org/ http://ecf.org.in/ http://www.safeteen.ca