Shame or PRIDE?
Shame is everywhere. Shame is in the ads that omit to include LGBT+ community members, shame is in the look that strangers give to two women holding hands in the street, shame is in the friendships that people lose after their coming out because of the fear that some people have to not be perceived masculine or feminine enough when they are next to LGBT+ community members.
As long as I can remember, I have always loved girls and boys. Although I kind of knew that I was bisexual, I never really allowed myself to go there because I had the idea that it would not be acceptable to others. It’s strange thought because I always perceived myself as somebody that was open-minded and not judgmental, somebody that would overcome those labels and the biphobic hate and just be authentic.
Following my coming out, I began to see a lot of different reactions to the fact that I had finally found the courage to be myself. Some were good, most were bad.
I vividly remember the reaction of a really important woman in my life who said to me: “It’s okay, I’m good with bisexuality, but could you not talk about it when you are close to me. I would not like to be associated with your bisexuality…what if men heard and then would not be interested by me?”
Never been hurt as much as I was that day. At that moment, I began to feel the shame of being bisexual and I began to feel at the same time what it meant being part of the LGBT+ community in the society that we live in.
If there is one thing to say about being and living our truth by affirming our sexuality, it’s this: whoever you are, however you decide to live your truth, there will always be someone or something to remind you that you are different, marginalized. You will feel ashamed by people and by society in general because, even though we are not in the 60s anymore, the LGBT+ community is still marginalized and oppressed in some ways and that oppression is felt everyday.
I think that the only way to overcome that feeling of shame and guilt is to realize that you only introject society’s shame and that it is not yours to carry.
Be proud of who you are because that person is just wonderful. That person is strong, authentic, sincere, gutsy and beautiful and does not deserve to feel all that shame. Go find people that can measure up to the people that you are and never look back to the people that don’t. They do not deserve you.
Since my coming out, many people have come forward and told me that they were bisexual or had questions about their sexuality. They asked me what they should do about it and the only answer that I could give them is this: whatever you feel is right by you and whatever makes you feel comfortable.
I personally did my coming out on facebook. Yes, kind of a cliché, I know. At the time I thought that it was the right thing to do. I started to come out to my parents and I was so stressed out by it that I had difficulties breathing. I remember telling for the first time to a close friend that I was bi. I was not able to breath for some time after that, my friend had to calm me down and reassure me so that I could breathe again. I realized that individual coming outs were too much for me and that is why I chose to do it by facebook.
We all have and can choose the way that we want to come out, if we want to do so.
Recently, I realized something about my coming out. The day that I realized that my love for myself and my own acceptance was more important than any exterior judgment or anything that it was now possible for me to lose was the greatest day of my life. It was the most beautiful and loving thing I have ever done for myself and, truthfully, counting every mean comment that I received afterwards, I have never been happier because I can finally be liberated of all the expectations of others and can finally go after the things and people that I have always wanted to reach out to.
GRIS Estrie
A Social Action Group promoting a better understanding of sexual minorities offering workshops to demystify homosexuality and bisexuality. The GRIS Estrie intervention team is made up of a team of gay, lesbian and bisexual volunteers who have undergone rigorous training.
819-823-6704 info@grisestrie.org http://grisestrie.org
Champlain SEXED
A group of peers seeking to foster sex positivity and sexual health. This includes a positive and inclusive approach towards gender equality, LGBTQI communities, consent, and communication. @Sexatchamplain sexed@crc-lennox.qc.ca