The holidays in the new digs

Every year an edition of Dishpan Hands is devoted to a group experiencing the holidays .... well “differently” shall we say. This year, I’d like to dedicate this edition of the holidays’ special piece to those of you experiencing Christmas in your new...well, maybe you’re not ready to call it home.

Maybe you lived somewhere for a long time - the same place over the span of decades, a place where there were more memories than places. A thousand memories near the back door. Fifteen hundred memories at the dining room table. A thousand memories in the living room. A million memories by the kitchen sink. Memories everywhere. More memories than places.

So this year, perhaps it’s the first time in a very long time that you’re about to experience the holidays not in that place. Maybe you’ve made peace with that – and maybe some of it you’re not so sad to be free from.

Memories are not always all good and warm and fuzzy after all.

There is a chance that you’ve been quite good at preserving what you’ve wanted to keep. Everyone has baggage after all – the difference is how we pack it. And sometimes someone else packs it for us – our memories shoved into a plastic grocery bag, or a Rubbermaid tub, or a handbag we don’t recognize. Makes for unusual unpacking of memories when the time comes.

And nothing affects that stuff more than a move.

So, in your new place maybe it doesn’t quite feel like the holidays. Maybe it’s smaller, or oddly shaped, or laid out in a way that it feels a little strange to imagine even having the fewest of guests. Perhaps this year you wonder if you will have guests...i hope you will, if that is what you wish.

Sometimes when we move, all of our belongings look strange. Sometimes they don’t fit – like too-small pants or too-big sweaters with long, odd sleeves, someone else’s Kleenex in the pocket. That can mean that we feel more comfortable passing on items that we have outgrown, if you will. Those things are blessed by us and released to be loved and owned by someone else. Maybe we’ll see it again in their home, and that always looks different too – as though it has changed personality, like an old flame with their new girlfriend or boyfriend. We recognize them, but they’re not the same.

This year you may have already taken out a few decorations to brighten up the place, and maybe they look a little funny.

So much can be tied up in our living quarters – more than we realize – and the yearly rituals experience an overhaul as much as our regular routines do.

If you’re finding yourself in that strange space, you may just want to ride it out for a first year – allow yourself to feel your way through the experience. Perhaps part of the transition is just in quiet, in observation, in taking it in, and perhaps this move has been something you’ve deeply needed for some time. There can be great healing in a move (in the midst of the great energy it can take to go from point A to point B – that sometimes feel like worlds apart), there is always growth in a move (even when we sometimes feel like things have shrunk).

If you’re concerned about being too quiet through the transition, take advantage of the holidays by being a little busier (there are many community activities taking place, often with transportation we can access by contacting the organizers), by inviting a friend over, even just for coffee or tea.

If the decorations look like they don’t belong, perhaps indulge in a new one that does – that speaks to you and your new space. You can find them at most thrift shops this time of year for nearly nothing (in fact the St-édouard church basement weekly Thursday afternoon sale in Knowlton also has a Christmas shop full of great used items ready for new homes – in the summer chapel located at the other side of the church).

Nowadays, with home décor shows aplenty we sometimes feel that a new space has to reflect the peak of current schmance (think fancy-schmancy) and cost a fortune, but you can also take your time. Think of how long you lived in your last dwelling.

It can take time for a place to feel like home. It can take time to feel like we belong somewhere.

You, on the other hand, are the vessel of all of those countless memories. You are the force and the energy that bore them in the first place, as you yourself bore witness to them.

Memories are still taking place around you – and you can create them too. There can be new ones as potent and important as those of old.

The holidays in your new digs might feel a little odd, but you still fit right in this big old unfolding expanse of time and space, wherever you may find yourself.

May you find a bit of peace of mind that allows you to relax into this new place, and that reflects the true meaning of the times.