Potential Hogmany haggis shortage

Idon’t want to create a panic. Lord knows we have enough crises on a daily basis to give us pause for thought. It’s just that there’s no way around it. We’re facing a potential Hogmanay haggis shortage.

For the initiated, “Hogmanay” is the Scots term for New Year’s and it’s one of the primary feast days of that kilt-wearing, pipes-playing nation. It is followed a mere twenty-four days later by the other day of celebration, Robbie Burns Day. Robbie Burns being the brilliant and completely incomprehensible national poet of Scotland.

Part of both events is the consumption of the national dish, haggis. Again, for those of you who claim no Celtic heritage let me explain. Haggis is to the Scot what Warwick poutine is to the pure laine Quebecois. It is genuinely, uniquely, unchallengedly an expression of the nation. It is Scotland’s answer to the French coq au vin. It is the Gaelic version of Germany’ sauerbraten. It is to the Scot what linguine is to Italy. And it is in danger here in Canada.

Haggis, you see, is made in a particular manner with a precise selection of ingredients. First you mince and then combine the kidneys, liver, heart and lungs of a lamb. Mix in steel-cut oats, spices, herbs and chopped onion. This delightful mixture is then stuffed into a lamb’s stomach - previously cleaned, washed and wiped of course - and then the whole thing is poached for three hours. The resulting delight has been compared to a fine pate, amongst other things.

So far so good. That is until the Canadian government stepped in. According to Canadian law, animal lungs can no longer be imported into the country for human consumption. In this sense the lamb’s lungs have been placed in the same category as udders, spleens, pig intestines and genitals which have been similarly banned. As if any Scot would eat genitals in the first place.

Oddly enough, animal lungs can and are consumed in this country and have been for many years. Apparently, it’s just foreign lungs that our political masters are concerned about.

Now, you may ask why does this outrageous and unjustified lung embargo create a problem in the first place? Well, it seems, strangely enough, that there is a decided shortage of haggis makers in our fair nation and we are forced to rely on imports. Yes, even though the number of those claiming Scottish decent in Canada now nearly equals the entire population of Scotland itself, there are but a handful of butchers and cooks skilled in this essential trade. Thus, even though this ancient food product is not exactly jumping off the shelf, there is still enough of a demand for the real thing that there is a danger that many of those celebrating the Bard’s birth on January 25 will go without.

To solve the problem, Macsweens of Edinburgh, a well-known purveyor of fine foods, has introduced its export haggis designed for the North American market. In place of the lungs Macsweens will use more heart in the mixture and in one deft stroke side step the Canadian health restrictions on lungs and, at the same time, supply the hundreds of diaspora Scots longing for this taste of home.

Mind you, as is always the case, the purists will not be assuaged. Paul Bradshaw, a Toronto butcher of Scottish extraction and one who makes haggis the old fashioned way, was quoted in Maclean’s magazine recently saying Macsweens was merely “. . . exporting haggisflavoured lamb sausage.” The shame!

All this being said, I suggest if you’re planning a happy Hogmanay or a genuine Burn’s Supper, get your order in quickly or you’ll just have to do without.

DEAR EDITOR;

On behalf of Uplands Cultural and Heritage Centre, I’d like to offer our (slightly belated) “Thank you” to The Townships Tellers for the generous donation of $124 following their event on October 19. The Tellers are one of our much-appreciated community groups who hold their monthly meetings at Uplands, and we are deeply grateful for the generosity they have always shown. We look forward to many more years of sharing in this cultural partnership, which we believe is of mutual benefit to both organizations! Again, many thanks.

MELANIE CUTTING PRESIDENT, UPLANDS CULTURAL AND HERITAGE CENTRE BOARD OF DIRECTORS

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