Changing diet changes relationship Dear Annie

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21, 2017

Dear Annie: Last weekend, I got a text from my dad that said: “I’m going vegan LOL.” (Yes, he says “LOL.” He’s hip like that.) I laughed and brushed it aside, but during dinner last night, he and my stepmom told me they are serious about it. It definitely took me by surprise, but I was supportive and excited about the idea, so much so that I even went with him to Barnes & Noble to pick out an awesome vegan cookbook. But since then, I’ve been having a strangely emotional reaction to his decision.

We love to eat. That’s our “thing.” We go out to dinner, try new, unusual cuisines and eat our way through new cities when traveling. He even seriously considered taking a leave from work to audition for a Food Network show. Some of my best memories involve meals we’ve shared. And now what? I’ll order sashimi, and he’ll have ... seaweed? I have no issue with the decision itself; I’ve done every juice cleanse and 30-day challenge under the sun — and I love me some seaweed. I actually find the choice quite admirable.

What I realized is that the child in me is afraid that a piece of our relationship will be lost. Through my parents’ (nasty) divorce, no matter how things were between them or between us — no matter when new people came into the picture and old people left — whenever we sat down at the table, all of the yuckiness melted away. This feels like one more thread of consistency and connection being cut.

Are there any actions you suggest I take to move forward? — Herbivore Dilemma

Dear Herbivore Dilemma: You are clearly a thoughtful person to have such insight into your emotions and their roots. Perhaps this is the opportunity you’ve needed to express some long-held feelings. Talking through these concerns will bring you closer than ever. And with time, you’ll find out that it was never about the food; it was about sitting down together.

Dear Annie: I have a weird question for you. I live in a Midwestern community that has expensive water and sewer costs. I also exercise every day, and as a result, I drink a lot of water — and I mean a lot of water. So when my wife is not home, I urinate in the bathroom sink. Then I wash my hands, which rinses the sink basin at the same time. This uses a fraction of the water that flushing the toilet would use. Multiply that by dozens of times a day and the savings are significant. Urine is sterile; the sink gets washed out afterward; and my hands are clean. What are your thoughts on my actions? — Sink Secret

Dear Sink Secret: I think you ought to knock it off. For one, urine isn’t sterile; that’s just a myth. For another, if you’re really bent on saving water, there are plenty of ways to do so — such as installing a low-flush toilet — that don’t require lying to your wife.

Dear Annie: My fiance recently decided to retire this coming March. We both will be 65 in January, and I have decided to continue to work for another year. If he continued to work for another year, he would increase his Social Security benefits at age 66, and I think that would be smart. He says he can make up the difference in his salary by working part time in retirement, but seeing as he can make only $15,000 in addition to Social Security at 65, he will be losing out on $12,000 that would have gone toward his Social Security totals. I am suffering from resentment because he has ignored my advice. Am I being unreasonable? — Resentful Senior

Dear Resentful: You can begin your retirement in a state of relaxation or resentment. Your fiance has figured out what works best for him. You should do the same for yourself. Relax about this last year of working or not working, and focus on enjoying your retirement with your mate, which I hope will be for many years.

Dear Annie: “Blamed and Alone” wrote to you about his wife’s loathing him for no apparent reason and seeming to have a lot of persistent rage, though they’ve been in therapy. I’ve seen quite a few letters addressed to you about similar problems. Did it ever occur to “Blamed and Alone” that his wife’s problem could relate to menopause? I have personally seen what menopause can do to a woman’s psyche. My dad’s friend went through a bout of melancholia and wouldn’t let her husband leave the house for work. She sat and cried all day. My mother became extremely irritable when she entered menopause.

Maybe “Blamed and Alone’s” wife would benefit from a visit to her gynecologist, in addition to a therapist. When I entered menopause, I started to suffer anxiety and panic attacks, which were very unlike me. My doctor prescribed a hormone, which did the trick. I was a different person from that day on. Though every drug has side effects, you have to weigh the pros and cons and decide what will help you lead your best life. I certainly wouldn’t discount the possibility that drugs could help the wife of the letter writer. — Been There, Done That

Dear Been There, Done That: Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m not sure whether it applies to the situation between “Blamed and Alone” and his wife, but it’s possible. In any case, it’s a good reminder that hormonal changes are no joke, and the accompanying mood swings can be severe and even dangerous. I encourage anyone experiencing this to talk to a doctor as soon as possible.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.