Opening to the spirit
Today’s word: Ceremony
1
) We are all one year older on our birthday, but isn’t it nice when there is a cake with candles? What if a wedding anniversary passed without cards exchanged or a nice dinner together with a toast? These small ceremonies celebrate our love for the people in our lives. A ceremony can be as small as a kiss hello or a bedtime story with a child at night.
Large ceremonies mark big changes. We can think of weddings, inaugurations, funerals, and other ceremonies that mark major transitions. We are no longer the same. We are now married. We have a new leader. We need to figure out how to carry on without a parent or a sibling or a friend. These ceremonies can inspire or comfort us. They mark major transitions in our lives, and help us to understand and accept the changes.
Last night I participated in the ceremony of the imposition of ashes as we marked the beginning of Lent. It was a ceremony of humility before God and a re-commitment to live the commandment to love each other. Mostly, it was quiet, with a lot of repenting and a lot of silent prayer. As ceremonies go, it wasn’t much, but we also hope that it was everything. We long to make that transition from pride to humility, from selfabsorption to loving service, from greed to generosity, from death to life.
Some ceremonies mark changes and some create changes. Some celebrate what is still there and help us re-commit to the path we are already on.
2
) As a young child I grew up in a church without much ceremony. Routinely the minister, who wore a black suit or perhaps a black robe, stood up and began the service, we remained seated except when singing, and the rest of the time we listened. When I was about twelve we began sharing services in the winter with a neighbouring Anglican congregation. One week they joined us, and the next we went to their church. Ministers wore coloured stoles depending on the church year. Sometimes we stood, sometimes we kneeled, sometimes people made the sign of the cross, and when they walked to the front they bowed their heads briefly. It was all very complicated but it didn't take long to get used to it.
I remember going to a synagogue for the first time with a confirmation class for a Bar Mitzvah. Once again there were ceremonies I didn't understand, but I quite enjoyed. I had a similar experience as an adult when I first attended a mosque. Once I was asked to perform a civil marriage ceremony for a young Zoroastrian couple. After they shared their vows and signed the documents I was invited to join them for a Persian ceremony that was performed by a student who wasn't licensed officially. This was quite elaborate and beautiful. An intricate carpet on the floor was filled with a feast of foods, ritually shared by the couple and their parents. I felt honoured to be invited. Each worshipping group has different traditions that are uniquely meaningful.
When we chose the word ceremony all those memories were invoked. I must admit, most Sunday mornings I still prefer a simple worship where we relax, talk to the divine presence and to each other, and sing joyously. Still, every once in a while I like a bit of ceremony. How about you?
3
) One morning while clearing breakfast dishes, I glanced out the kitchen window to see my youngest daughter, then almost four, twirling round in the yard, holding at arm's length a limp lump of feathers. As I joined her, she whispered sadly, "He's forgotten how to fly." We sat in the grass awhile and talked about how even birds get tired of flying, eventually agreeing that what he needed now was a place to rest. We prepared a simple burial, invited sisters and neighbour children, who carefully wrapped and lowered the tiny body into the ground with thanks for the joy of birds everywhere.
There is something basic to human nature in our need to celebrate meaningful moments with ritual and symbolism. Mythologist Joseph Campbell taught that this universal need, differently expressed in all cultures and times, is what has given rise to the world's religions in all their amazingly creative and powerful forms. Ceremony is our human way of marking transitions from one way of being to another. We mark the crossing of thresholds and claim new stages of life, acknowledge blessings and responsibilities, accomplishments and new possibility. We give form to final goodbyes, when we must leave a part of our lives behind, welcome new life, make or renew or revise eternal promises to each other. When I ask wedding couples what they expect from the ritual we are designing, their readiness to commit is evident in their knowing what they hope will happen or change by doing this together.
Ceremony is what allured me into ministry; a poet friend once named it "orchestrating the spirits." To stand with a couple and witness their vows, to celebrate the joy of birth with new parents, to companion families through the grief and confusion of loss, to mark the moments of joy and sorrow in this epic called life that we live, is a deep privilege. Life without ceremonies, humble or elegant - I cannot imagine!
4
) I like to tell myself I don’t put a lot of stock in ceremony. I am uneasy with elaborate preparation and pompous procession. Perhaps it has something to do with growing up in a well-off neighbourhood where wealth was flaunted and you were judged by how high up the hill you lived and the size of the party you threw.
Nevertheless marking a particular event in one’s life with a special ceremony is a way of slowing down time. It helps us to take notice, pay attention to the details and savour precious moments. It could be a birthday party, a wedding ceremony or a bonfire noteburning evening at the end of the school year. Even funerals can help us process the departure of a loved one.
Ceremonies help us transition from one state to another. Yesterday I was a student. Now I’m a graduate. Yesterday I was a husband; today I am also a father. Within the sacrament of baptism we mark many such transitions. It’s a time to mark the arrival of a precious, new human into the family of God’s creation, a time to offer our support to the parents as they transition to a new way of being family, a time to remember all the hopes and dreams that accompany the arrival of every little baby we have known.
In particular ceremonies help us to stop, take stock and give thanks. We each have a precious human life and the freedom to use it as we each see fit. How will you use yours?
One word, four voices - and now it's your turn to reflect: When has some meaningful moment needed celebrating for you or a loved one? What power does ceremony have in your life?
Rev. Mead Baldwin pastors the Waterville & North Hatley pastoral charge; Rev. Lynn Dillabough is now Rector of St. Paul's in Brockville ON. She continues to write for this column as a dedicated colleague with the Eastern Townships clergy writing team; Rev. Lee Ann Hogle ministers to the Ayer’s Cliff, Magog & Georgeville United Churches; Rev. Carole Martignacco is Consulting Minister to UU Estrie-unitarian Universalists in North Hatley.