Retirement comes in with a bang Dear Annie
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 16, 2018
Dear Annie: I am a 67-year-old man who has extreme seller’s remorse and have slipped into depression from selling my business two years ago. The reason I am writing is to caution the 10,000 baby boomers a day who are turning 65. After retiring, I was caught completely off guard by the fact that my entire identity was my business. I have also discovered how quickly the many business friends you have start drifting away. Out of sight, out of mind. Two years after retirement, I have gone through some of the stages of grieving and am still struggling to find my new identity and fill my days with meaningful activities. I have entered counseling to help me make the adjustment. This is a huge adjustment and should be taken very seriously. In the next three years, there will be 10 million baby boomers retiring. — Still Grieving
Dear Still Grieving: Try to remember what it felt like when you first started your business — how excited and scared you were. Why not find something new that you can start, without risking your retirement money? Even if it is on a small scale, you will be so much happier if you get excited about a new business or project and dive into it wholeheartedly. You did a great job building a business and selling it, so stop feeling sorry for yourself and get back to work, if only part time. I’m glad you are getting counseling, which can help immeasurably as you try to figure out the next exciting phase of your life.
Dear Annie: This is in response to “Adopt or Shop.” Our first dog was an American Eskimo spitz puppy, who died when she was only 2 1/2 years old from myriad congenital disorders resulting from a puppy mill.
We have had many doggy children since then, all mixed-breed and healthy — living longer, happier lives than our first one. One of these dogs was a Siberian husky/australian shepherd mix. She was the most laid-back and friendliest dog we have ever had, even with children and other pets, including cats. She always seemed to just go along with whatever came her way — friendly and always happy. We rescued her from our veterinarian. She was left behind and near death as the runt of the litter. Once he was sure she was going to survive, our kind vet contacted us, as he was certain she was just what we needed at that time. She was so small and scared when I brought her home, but soon, she grew and played and became a true joy to my husband and me for 12 years. — Happy Dogs in Indiana
Dear Happy Dogs: I’m glad you’ve provided a happy home for so many dogs. The story of your American Eskimo puppy is sad but, sadly, not uncommon. Puppy mills often cause serious health and behavioral problems for dogs, even if the problems aren’t immediately apparent. For further information, I encourage readers to visit the ASPCA webpage on the issue, at https://www.aspca.org/animalcruelty/puppy-mills.
Dear Annie: I have been married to my husband for 11 years. He has three grown children, all gainfully employed, who live in distant cities. We live in the large house his children grew up in. Two of the children are married with young kids.
The problem is that at least twice a year, his kids decide to coordinate a visit home, all coming into town at the same time to stay in our house. While here, they expect us to care for their kids, all under age 7, while they sleep in in the mornings and stay out late at night. They are not good about keeping us informed of their plans, so I never know whether to prepare meals for five or 15, plus they don’t offer to do any of the cooking themselves. When we go out to dinner, they never offer to pay the check.
They expect us to pick them up and return them to the airport at all hours, and they also expect to borrow our cars when they need to go out.
While they’re here, the rooms the kids inhabit are totally wrecked, with clothing and toys strewn everywhere, but as long as they keep their doors closed, I turn a blind eye. Afterward, I am stunned to find empty toilet roll dispensers and toothpaste smeared on the sink and other things you would expect of lazy, slovenly teenagers, not grown adults with homes of their own. When they are packing for home, they do remove the bed and bathroom linens and leave them in a pile in each room, but that leaves me with a mountain of laundry to do.
It has gotten to a point that I dread these visits. I have asked my husband to speak to his kids about being more responsible and considerate or to at least limit the duration of their visits, but he is afraid that if he did that, they would get offended and stop coming altogether. I have even threatened to leave town for my own vacation when they are coming, but I would hate to miss the grandkids and shudder to think what condition the house would be in upon my return. We do love spending time with the grandkids (up to a point), but at our age — and as we are still working — we end up totally exhausted and frequently get sick right after they leave, probably from the stress and fatigue. What can I do? — At Wits’ End
Dear At Wits’ End: Walking on eggshells will get you nowhere. Tell your husband that this is a time to be kind and direct with your stepchildren. It is your house and your rules, and cleaning up after oneself is a perfectly reasonable expectation. You could have fun about it and make an art canvas, perhaps with your grandchildren, listing the rules of your house.
As for borrowing the car, picking them up at the airport and treating them to dinner — well, if your husband likes to do that for his children, he sounds like a very kind man. I would try not to nitpick every little nice thing that you and your husband do for his children. Do your best to focus on the love of your grandkids and all of the joy and liveliness that having a full house brings. It’s only twice a year, and with your new direct message that they must clean up after themselves, I’m sure that the visits will be more enjoyable. If they don’t follow your house rules, that’s another story. Keep me posted.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to: dearannie@creators.com.