That ain’t good English Dear Annie
MONDAY, FEBRUARY 19, 2018
Dear Annie: I have been attending a local church for about a year, and although I am very shy, I have come to care a great deal about some of the people, especially my pastors. I have noticed that on the church’s official website, there are quite a few typos and oddly structured sentences. I would love to offer a couple of hours of my time to fix up those mistakes to make the website look more professional.
Do you think this offer would be considered offensive? If not, what would be the best approach for me to take? — Wanting to Help
Dear Wanting to Help: You’re not just a congregation; you’re a community. And your desire to contribute to the community is admirable. Approach the pastor with whom you’re closest and let him or her know that you would be happy to donate your editing services to the church’s website. I imagine that the pastor will welcome the offer, as the more polished the website is the brighter it will allow the ministry to shine.
Dear Annie: I believe that my mother has obsessivecompulsive personality disorder. She shows every sign and symptom of the disorder. I have tried telling her this several times. Like most people with OCPD, she fails to acknowledge that she has it. She wants absolute control over everything under our roof, including me. That has put real strain on our relationship. Seeing as she has failed to listen to me every other time I have mentioned it, do you think giving her a book on OCPD as a birthday present would be too drastic? — Not Being Heard
Dear Not Being Heard: Communication is a twoway street, and it sounds as if you’ve got closures in both lanes. As much as you feel that your mom is not hearing you, she probably feels equally that you’re not hearing her. If you gave her the book at this point, it would only make her more defensive and less willing to listen. She might be likelier to accept a diagnosis from a licensed therapist, so you can encourage her toward seeing one. But at the end of the day, she’s her own person. You should no more try to control her than she should try to control you. Establish boundaries, and if circumstances permit, consider getting your own place.
Dear Annie: I’ve been feeling very inspired lately. As a firm believer in gender equality, I am so happy to see how the #Metoo movement has given so many women the relief of telling their stories and getting a weight off their shoulders. However, this also has inspired a feeling of panic within me. I, too, am a victim; but my perpetrator was not a celebrity or a public figure, so I have nothing to gain by speaking out. However, I see the relief and empowerment some women are experiencing from coming forward, and I’m wondering whether I could feel the same. Though close friends know what happened to me, my family does not know, and neither does my boyfriend. I see the backlash that this wave of voices has caused, and it frightens me. My rapist was a friend whom my parents always liked, and my boyfriend knows him, too. I don’t want to ruin his life by telling people who would then hate him for something that happened years ago. I also am worried that they wouldn’t believe me or would assume the reason for my speaking up is that I want attention. But I also now realize that this is a significant part of my history, and I don’t know what to do with it, Annie. Telling you has helped, though. What do you think I should do? — Scared of Secrets
Dear Scared of Secrets: I’m so sorry that someone you considered a friend hurt you in such a profound way. You should not bear the burden of keeping this secret out of concern for him. Protecting your own mental health is far more important than protecting the social standing of an abuser. No matter how many years it’s been, no matter how many friends you have in common, he committed sexual assault. Any fallout he faces now he brought on himself. Who knows? Perhaps he’ll emerge from this reckoning a better person. In any case, it’s not your problem. By all means, you should open up to your boyfriend and family, as it seems your heart is calling you to do so. If you need encouragement, support or just someone to talk to about your experience, you can always call the National Sexual Assault Hotline (800-656-4673).
Dear Annie: I’d like your opinion on a relationship question — but not the typical kind that you get. It’s about the relationship between Americans and British royalty.
Why is it that so many Americans, especially women, are obsessed with those British royals? We fought a war to throw off the oppression of privileged people like them. A couple of decades later, they sent their army to attack us and burn much of our capital. I have no problem with our being friendly to the British people, but monarchy reeks of slavery and imperialism. What do you think? Personally, I blame Walt Disney! — Paul in Sonora
Dear Paul: It’s an excellent — and relevant — question. The premiere of the latest season of the Netflix series “The Crown” garnered 3 million views in the U.S., according to Nielsen. It seems Americans’ appetite for all things royal is as great as ever. From what I gather, many fans are fascinated by the concept of royalty, curious about the particularity of its traditions and intrigued by the glamorous yet often mysterious royals themselves. If anyone would like to share further insights into this phenomenon, please drop me a line. Ta-ta!
Send your questions for Annie Lane to: dearannie@creators.com.