Elusive expiration dates Dear Annie

FRIDAY, AUGUST 31, 2018

Dear Annie: OK, I realize there are innumerable insurmountable, earth-shaking universal problems in our world. This is definitely a “First World problem,” but it is one that could be easily fixed.

Could manufacturers please mark their food products with expiration dates that are easy to locate and read? I probably spend a third of my grocery shopping time squinting, turning products round and round or holding them up to light, trying to locate teeny-tiny black type on, for example, dark brown iced tea bottles or embossed lettering on lids of yogurt containers. And why do they have the date stamped on the bottom, forcing people to pick up and turn each container? Why do they put dates on the ends of egg cartons so people must unload an entire shelf of fragile eggs trying to seek out the elusive printed dates?

How about some buyer-friendly bright type on the fronts of products? Wouldn’t that be just as easy for the producers as what appears to be their attempt to make buyers play hide-and-seek with these dates?

Now back to focusing on world peace. — Exasperated by Expiration Dates

Dear Exasperated: After receiving your question and looking into it more, I was surprised to learn that there are no federal laws requiring companies to print expiration dates on food products (except for infant formula and baby food). Some states have laws mandating expiration dates on meat and milk, but that’s about it, in terms of legal requirements. So you can’t rely on these dates as the ultimate pantry authority; you might end up eating something that’s past its prime or throwing away something that’s perfectly fine.

Bottom line: Expiration dates can offer a helpful guide, but you should still use your senses and common sense to decide whether a product is safe to eat.

Dear Annie: I am somewhat appalled by “Wish She’d Stop,” who complained about her 82-year-old mother. Having her mother over once a week is very nice and expected. Considering no longer inviting her mother for dinner is an indication of this daughter’s lack of compassion and understanding.

My 92-year-old mother lives with my husband and me, along with her yappy little dog, who has accidents in the house often. My mother has unpleasant habits, as well. For instance, she leaves messes in the bathroom. I would never humiliate her by pointing this out to her. I discreetly slip into her bathroom and clean the fixtures. When we have guests, I leave antiseptic wipes

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on the counter. I also have them use the other bathroom. When her dog leaves little gifts on the carpet, I pick them up and never complain. It is my responsibility to take the dog for walks to avoid this inconvenience. I would never dream of stripping away my mother’s dignity by mentioning these inconveniences.

“Wish She’d Stop’s” mother changed her diapers, wiped her snotty nose, bandaged her scraped knees and cleaned her vomit. The elderly revert back to childish habits. Such is life! This daughter can offer to clean her mother’s dentures and treat her wounds. The scab picking should be brought to the attention of her treating physician, as I believe this is a psychological problem.

It is no big deal to treat her mom with proper respect. Mothers this age come from the greatest generation known in our lifetime. They lived during the Depression and World War II. They have known real hardship.

Many organizations in the community offer caregiving classes, which I have taken. This daughter could benefit from such classes. She would learn how to care for and understand her mother’s behavior. — Caregiver in Arizona

Dear Caregiver: Bravo for finding the most compassionate way to handle what many of us would consider problems. Your degree of sympathy is inspiring.

Dear Annie: I have a problem with my brother, “Josh.” Josh seems to want to cut me and our mom out of his life. I’m indifferent to how much contact I have with my brother, but Mom is not. Josh is having surgery in a few days, and though he didn’t directly state it, it’s clear that he would prefer we not be at the hospital during the surgery. Seeing as he doesn’t want us at the hospital, we’re staying home. Josh’s wife will call or text Mom with information about the surgery. This is causing her a great deal of mental anguish.

This is not the first time he has caused her pain. In the last year of our father’s life, when Dad’s illness was getting progressively worse, Mom asked him to come and visit Dad. He rarely visited, and when I could get him to visit, I had to practically beg him to come. The last time Dad went in the hospital, Josh went to Easter brunch with his in-laws before coming to the hospital. Several years ago, when Mom was in the hospital, Josh traveled through the city and failed to stop and see her. His own mother was in the hospital, and he couldn’t be bothered to stop and see her!

Josh keeps us at arm’s length. He refuses to tell us information that is important to us and easy for him to disclose, such as what hotel he and his wife are staying at the night before the surgery. (The hospital is three hours from their home.) He often does not answer our phone calls or texts. He often returns them hours or a day later.

I’m sure I have made mistakes when dealing with my brother, and he does tell us about some of his daughter’s upcoming activities, which we then have attended. He and his wife did have us come to their home on Christmas Day. However, I can see how much pain he is causing our mom, and I’m not sure what to do. Should I try talking to him? If so, what should I say? Should I just accept the pain he causes our mother? Are there other options? I just wish I knew why he tries to avoid Mom. — Unsure What to Do

Dear Unsure: One thing is for sure, and that is that you and Josh need to have an honest and straightforward conversation. Try not to criticize him or bring up past grievances, and in the end, respect his wishes in regard to the family. In the long run, if he feels understood by his mother and brother, he is likelier to come around for visits. But you also should help your mom to see that Josh has a new life with his own family and that what you are getting now may be all that he wants to give. Help her to feel gratitude for what Josh does give and she is likely to get more of it, reducing the mental anguish that is causing her so much pain.

Dear Annie: During the past year, I have had some health issues that have required that I stay in a hospital and then a nursing facility for several months. I am in my 40s, and it’s been extremely hard on my family, but I am now recovering at home.

A month ago, my husband told me that during my stay, two different women had propositioned him, offering assistance if he was lonely. He has said that I do not know them and that he made clear that he was not interested. He told me it had upset him so much that he eventually felt he needed to tell me. We are very close, and I do believe he is loyal to our marriage. He said he was upset that these women would be so bold as to suggest something like that. He told me it bothered him that they would try to take advantage of the situation.

I am sickened, even though I am also relieved. I talked to my therapist, and he said there are a lot of lonely, desperate women out there. I am certain the therapist was trying to downplay the situation, but that really did not help. I trust my husband but wonder why a woman would feel comfortable enough to say something like that to him.

It is possible he totally misread the situations, but I am not that naive. I feel betrayed that someone would feel that hateful toward not just me but also my children, especially during this difficult time.

I cannot live looking over my shoulder, wondering who would betray my family in our time of crisis, so I am moving on, but I just wanted to remind people that when there is a crisis in a family, take the high road and do not add more heartache and complications to the situation. Put yourself in the family’s shoes and think about how you would feel if someone took advantage of you. People need to be compassionate and caring during a difficult time and not add additional stress to all parties. — Faithful in New Mexico

Dear Faithful: Trying to seduce another woman’s husband is always sleazy. Doing so while she’s in a facility recovering from illness — that takes it to a new, stomach-churning low. But rather than focus on what they did, look instead at how your husband reacted. He rejected their ugly advances and told you what happened. It sounds as though your marriage is built on honesty and communication — a rock-solid foundation. No big bad wolf could blow that house down. That is the real moral of this story.

Dear Annie: I was in the Army for about 21 years. When I retired, I came back to a world that had changed. I still believe in the golden rule, as well as my military values, but it seems that very few people think that way anymore. I don’t think I’m that old, but I know that I’m having trouble adjusting. Do you have any advice? - Dinosaur

Dear Dinosaur: The golden rule is still golden, and I promise you there are others out there who share your values. I recommend connecting with an organization dedicated to helping former service members reacclimate to civilian life, such as The American Legion (https://www.legion.org) or AMVETS (http://amvets.org). I also recommend visiting Maketheconnection.net, a website created by the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, to find resources in your area and other helpful information. Talking to other veterans who understand what you’re going through could be hugely therapeutic. You are not alone.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.