Can no longer hear the call

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 2019

Dear Annie: Having been a registered nurse for the past 40 years, I have seen many changes in health care. I believe that nursing is a calling and not just a career. In my initial, youthful bliss, I took great joy in helping people in their hour of need. Patients and families were grateful and appreciative for every little thing that was done for them.

These days, young nurses are leaving their jobs at an alarming rate. This is because they are faced with budget cuts and unrealistic expectations of providing patient care with half the staff. Nursing is now a frustrating, unhappy and unappreciated vocation.

Most infuriating is the mindset of administrators. They run around with ipads taking “patient satisfaction” surveys on a daily basis. Of course, almost every patient has a complaint that the call light wasn’t answered fast enough or his or her pain medicine took too long to be administered — the list goes on. Of course, all these requests take longer to fulfill when there is no help!

These administrators, who make exorbitant salaries, then “counsel” staff to try harder. Well, I will tell you that I know of more than one nurse who has voiced her frustration with staffing — only to be met with a pink slip and security escort from the building. This was for having a “bad attitude” that was against the company’s core values.

Nurses are dealing with all of this and the heroin addicts who come in with their sometimes violent behavior, needles hidden where anyone could be stuck and dealers who deliver their goods to the bedside, resulting in an “in house” overdose that is then blamed on the nurses because we weren’t watching our patients closely enough. Does this sound like a place you could work for the entirety of your work life? I think not.

While nursing has provided me with a decent salary, it is not a calling any more. Luckily, I am only a few short years from retirement. I can’t wait to get away from this insanity. Prayers to any newbies; they’re gonna need them! — Too Old for This

Dear Too Old for This: Sounds like you are burned out, and I’m not sure how “short” those final years of working before retirement will feel. You know that the administrators will not change, so my advice is to work on your own perspective — to focus on the patients just as you did when you first started your career. The more you care for them, and the more you block out your feelings about the administrators, the more productive you will be and the faster these final years of nursing will be for you.

Dear Annie: Thank you for your compassion and common sense in these turbulent times. You always bring a smile to my face or a tear to my eye. You provide excellent advice and see beneath the surface of what is being said. You are a beautiful person. Thank you. — Grateful Reader

Dear Reader: Your letter brought a tear to my eye. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Dear Annie: My sister and her husband are both in their mid-80s and live on a farm. He is disabled. They insist on retaining horses and livestock, which my frail 90-pound sister feeds daily.

On a recent visit, I observed her moving amongst the animals without her hearing aids and without her cellphone to use to call for help should she be knocked down and injured. He remains in the house and is usually asleep when she is in the feedlot.

My pleadings that it is time to sell off the animals are met with responses such as, “The market is down” (him), or “I love taking care of them” (her).

So, how can I get them to appreciate the importance of a balance between economics, a joyous life and her safety? — One Concerned Brother

Dear Concerned Brother: You sound like a very caring brother, and your sister sounds like a very impressive lady. The answer to your question of how to get them to see the importance of living their lives your way is that you don’t get them to see that.

Instead, you should support their decision to keep their horses and livestock, especially if she loves them and finds daily purpose in taking care of them. I doubt they are not aware of the economics, safety or joy in these circumstances. On the safety issue, continue to encourage her to wear her hearing aids and bring her cellphone.

Maybe stop by and help her out some mornings. Rather than observing all the things she is doing “wrong,” dive right in and lend a hand with caring for her animals. My guess is that it will make you feel a lot better and strengthen the relationship with your sister.

Dear Annie: After reading your recent column on bullying, I knew I had to let you know that a large group of people from all over the world are working hard to help alleviate this serious situation. For instance, check out an online video called, “Beat a Bully Without Using Your Fists.”

As a kid, I was called “Susan Boozin’.” I don’t recall it bothering me, however. I guess bullying has always been around, but it does seem to be worse in the last decade or so.

If you have ever wondered why things seem to be getting worse worldwide, you will find answers in various scriptures of the Bible.

Thank you for addressing this important issue and for letting me refer your readers to the video and the Bible, especially 2nd Timothy 3:1-5. And keep those good answers coming! — Stop Bullying

Dear Stop Bullying: Thank you for your kind words, and I hope everyone will continue to work to eradicate bullying worldwide.

Dear Annie: I am a single woman who is quite social, and frequently I go out to dinner during the week with a close group of friends. We also go to bars or clubs about twice a month on Saturday nights. Many of my friends love to get out on the dance floor and dance the night away. I’ve never enjoyed dancing, and so my preference is to just enjoy the social part of our nights out. This is where the trouble begins.

One friend has decided that I “need” to dance, and he has made it his mission to get me out on the dance floor. It began as a joke, but now every time I see him, he asks me if I have started taking dance lessons and says that he can’t wait to see me out on the dance floor.

In my opinion, he has taken this too far. And I am not sure what to do. His constant “joking” is beginning to feel like harassment, and I really want it to end. On multiple occasions, in a very clear tone with very clear wording, I have told him I don’t dance and that is my choice. Yet the chiding continues.

Soon we both will be attending events that will include dancing, and I would like to be able to enjoy myself without the fear of him tugging me toward the dance floor or making a joke out of the fact that I don’t dance. As I mentioned, I am quite happy being who I am — a “nondancer” — and I am honestly baffled that this has become such a focus for him. I should mention that his attention is not due to any attraction on his part as he is happily married. The only solution I can think of is not participating in our nights outs anymore, which I don’t want to do. Any suggestions? — Perturbed

Dear Perturbed: I’m not so sure that you can rule out his being attracted to you. In any case, regardless of his motivations, his actions are way out of line. Perhaps it’s time to enlist the help of a trusted friend in the group: Let this mutual friend know the situation, and this person can intercept when he or she sees Mr. Footloose dancing his way over to you.

Dear Annie: I had a different take on the column from “Feeling Left Out” — the parent who, after 40 years of addiction to meth and alcohol, has now been sober for two years and is, thankfully, finally having a relationship with her adult children. She was feeling left out because she is not being included in family functions.

The key line for me from her letter was: “My kids are drinkers, but nothing like I was.”

Her kids might not be including her because it may infringe on THEIR drinking, making THEM feel like they can’t and shouldn’t be imbibing, and thus taking away THEIR fun.

In any event, an honest conversation with them, communicating how she feels, may be eye-opening to everyone. — Andrea, Stanhope, NJ

Dear Andrea: This is an astute point, and an angle I neglected to include in my initial response. Often, newly sober folks’ invitations seem to get lost in the mail, so to speak. While many in recovery find it better to steer clear of situations where alcohol is present, there are also many who would be perfectly fine having a soda while their friends have their beers. Communication is key in determining expectations, concerns and fears on all sides. Thanks for reading the column, and thanks for writing in.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.