Open to the Spirit
Today’s Word: Belonging
1) According to social worker Dr. Brené Brown, love and a sense of belonging are the two most important qualities to living a fulfilling life. If we think back to our high school days many of us can identify things we used to do simply to fit in and belong. To feel as if we belong gives us a firm footing and a sense of security. Belonging to a group can give us courage and support as we go through the trials and tribulations of life.
However a fine balance needs to be struck between accommodating oneself to the group and offering an alternative point of view. In a church community, as in any organization, care needs to be taken to allow the voice of each member to be heard. Conforming to the will of the strongest voices seems a large sacrifice to pay in order to gain a sense of belonging.
In an ideal world, every person would be valued for their unique histories and perspectives. Every person would know they belonged. In the meantime each effort we make to welcome the newcomer and respect opinions that differ from our own goes a long way to learning how to value diversity, even as we nurture a sense of belonging for all.
2) “Welcome in, we'd love to have you join the family. It's a joy to have you with us and to share this song of praise.” Our word this week reminded me of that song. A good friend sang it at my son's baptism. I still have a warm feeling in my heart as those words echo in my mind. I will be doing a baptism this Sunday as we welcome a new baby into our church family. We all want a place to belong, where people know us and care for us.
There was a time many years ago when service clubs were popular: The Oddfellows, Rotary Club, Knights of Columbus, Lion's Club, or Masons. Places where men gathered, were initiated, and shared stories and action. For women similar groups such as the Woman's Institute, Order of the Eastern Star, University Women's Club also provide such a place. People long for a place to gather. These days such clubs face dwindling attendance and struggle to find members. Our churches face the same dilemma.
In our denomination, people join by confirmation as teenagers, or by taking Adult membership classes. I joined at 14 because belonging, sharing in the responsibility of our community, was important to me. Last year two teenagers joined us by confirmation. (One of our new 14 year olds just made a loaf of sandwiches for a church reception, and was glad to be asked.) We use the word adherents for people who choose not to become members. I suspect far more people these days fall into that category. Why the reluctance, I wonder, to commit to membership.
A song comes to mind from a sitcom a few years ago named “Cheers”. “Sometimes you want to go, where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came. You want to be where you can see our troubles are all the same. You want to be where everybody knows your name.” I believe we all have a craving to belong. I hope that all of you can find such a place in this lonely world we live in.
3) Belonging is a universal human quest, foundational to the hierarchy of survival needs. The poet David Whyte says: "There is no house like the house of belonging." With poet Maya Angelou: "I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself."
In a recent move, I find myself having to reconstruct all over again that sense of home.
How many times have I done this before? Over a lifetime of multiple address changes, changing jobs, moving for all manner of personal, professional or educational reasons, the challenges of being the newcomer should be all too familiar. I need only rehearse the simple strategies for how to find my people, create the family of friends with whom I will feel at home. Recreate the network of souls among whom I wish to live and move and have my being. In contemporary terms, by now I know how to find my "tribe".
First steps are discovering where I've landed, learning about the community and its history, sampling events and activities and exploring fresh opportunities for offering service here, in this unique place. Learning a new roster of names, and fitting them to new faces. Who are the people doing the things I love to do? Who's doing the Food Shelf, where do the artists and writers hang out, is there a meditation group in town? How do I meet and join them? In the process I must open up to new vistas and establish common ground. To my joy, it turns out my people are everywhere!
Whatever our age or social context, breaking the sense of isolation requires intentionally entering into community. Our longing to belong bids us seek out new connections, risk reaching out to know others and make ourselves known. This Thanksgiving weekend I will celebrate in a whole new setting, grateful for friends "back home" from whence I've come, relishing among my newfound community the discovery all over again that I truly can be at home wherever I go. May it be so for you as well. May you find yourself belonging wherever you are!
One word, three voices this time - and now your turn to reflect: What gives you a sense of belonging, and how do you help others know they belong?
Rev. Mead Baldwin pastors the Waterville & North Hatley pastoral charge; Rabbi Boris Dolin leads the Dorshei-emet community in Montreal; Rev. Lee Ann Hogle ministers to the Ayer's Cliff, Magog & Georgeville United Churches; Rev. Carole Martignacco, Unitarian Universalist is retired from ministry with Uuestrie and now resides in St. Andrews by-the-sea NB, but keeps one foot in the Townships by continuing with this column.