Week 2 vs Week 22
Week 2:
Watching investments in oil and gas going down, down down. Watching investments in hand cream and sanitizer going up, up, up.
Week 22: Week 2:
“I’ve never truly suffered hardship in my lifetime, so really I see this is an opportunity for emotional growth.”
Week 22:
HAIR GEL!”
Week 2:
face.
Week 2: Week 22: Week 22:
time job.
Week 2: Week 2:
“AAAAAGHHH! I’M OUT OF
Difficult though it may be, this crisis is bringing the family closer together.
Family members have established independent territorial governments in separate rooms, with the kitchen as neutral territory and frequent, bloody skirmishes in the bathroom.
Week 22: Week 22:
Unable to stop touching touching face.
Still unable to stop
Taking advantage of down time to learn a new instrument, take up painting, maybe write that novel you’ve always had in the back of your mind.
Have memorized word-forword the entire second season of “The Office.”
Lying awake at night worrying about the virus, your job, the economy.
Napping is now your full
Investing in surgical masks to protect against Coronavirus. Investing in earplugs to protect against losing one’s mind in this godforsaken house!
Finding creative ways to stay social by getting together with friends online.
Finding creative ways to earn an income by selling your kidney online.
Improvising a makeshift home gym, because it’s important to stay fit during this indefinite period of isolation.
Week 22: Improvising an elaborate pulley/conveyor system from the kitchen to the sofa, because those bags of Doritos aren’t going to deliver themselves.
Week 2:
Recognizing that, as part of the greater good, we may have to sacrifice certain civil liberties in order to combat the threat of this deadly virus.
Week 22:
Supreme Leader Donald Trump dissolves Congress and replaces it with an “advisory board” consisting of Ivanka, Jared and the cast of “Big Brother 22.”
Week 2: Week 22:
the mail.
Week 2:
because this.
“I’m growing out my beard!” Divorce papers arrive in
Singing “So Long, Marianne” from apartment balconies.
Sending semaphore signals from apartment balconies.
Week 22: Week 2:
Avoiding physical contact with neighbours and joking about it. Avoiding eye contact with since The Leaf Blower
Week 22:
neighbours Incident.
Expressing disdain for people who violate social distancing guidelines for their own selfish fulfilment.
Week 22:
Going to a crowded beach you’ve really, really earned
Stocking up on nonperishable staples like dried beans.
Still haven’t cooked a single meal using dried beans.
Week 22:
Expressing gratitude universal health care.
Putting finishing touches on comprehensive 617-page proposal for universal health cat.
Week 22: Week 2: Week 22:
for
Convincing senior parents to heed government warnings and just stay home.
Convincing senior parents to heed government warnings and just stay home.