Open to the Spirit
Today’s word: Denial
shock to know that this is the new normal of our world. Unsure about what each day will bring, and for better or worse tied to my phone and the internet, everything just seems so crowded and confused. It is difficult enough just to deal with the practical side of trying to work from home while helping keep my three kids busy, but the mixture of cabin fever, anxiety and simple uncertainty is finally beginning to settle in.
And I know that I am not alone. It is a very real fear that grips so many of our minds when we wake up each morning. No, this is not necessarily the fear of the impending apocalypse just yet--toilet paper shortages notwithstanding--but it is a fear brought on by the most powerful sense of simple bewilderment.this must be a dream! Things aren’t really as bad as they seem! I am stuck at home another day?! Seemingly every news story is about the pandemic, and it has touched all parts of our society. There is no way to escape the pace of all the changes, and we can’t live in denial that this is the new life we have to live.
Yet as we find creative ways to cope with the new situation, we can also enjoy the new blessings that have also found their way through. With this perspective change, maybe now we can begin to see what is most important in our lives. We can more honor our relationships, while at the same time leaving the space to take better care of ourselves. We can recognize the importance of community, and know that we need others as much as others need us. I will go to bed tonight with a little more fear than I am used to, but I will also hold onto the reminders that this situation gives us.
We are here for each other, and we need to work in each and every moment to bring more love and healing into the world. We have to live not just for ourselves, but for the good and health of all people. Our actions matter, and we matter. We will eventually move past this pandemic, but we won’t truly survive unless we listen to the lessons it teaches us. ) Who me - in denial? I’d like to claim a working balance between the real and ideal, but an honest glance backward tells me I’ve chosen denial about a whole lot of things, even denial itself. It’s been easier to often look the other way. Given the cultural encouragement, denial of mortality came easy. Back in childhood or youth life seemed to go on endlessly, the biggest concern how to avoid the daily boredom. Each death of a loved one or even a prominent figure in the news, a door in the mind would briefly open, I’d nod to grief and loss then quickly resume life as usual.
In my teens I once denied liking classical music, as my peers were into that stuff called rock-n-roll. Denial lets us put off the inevitable, preserving just enough energy to meet demands of the day. Like the revelation that I was in any degree racist, or enjoyed a life of privilege denied to countless others. I’ve been aware of climate change since the 1980’s. But it was beyond me, in the future, hardly imminent even as I crocheted my hot pink hat for the activist march.
We’re conditioned to denial in so many ways. Believing others negative judgments, we deny our own goodness or our legitimate needs. We readily deny abilities or preferences in order to fulfill others’ expectations, delay accepting the onset of illness. Or refuse to open the rejection letter on the dining room table (that’s me). But is it real life we’re living?
These days of Lent I want to give up denial. We’re all called up short, stopped in our tracks. This is like a death. Life as usual has changed radically overnight and will change us if we let it. Our challenge is to wake up and walk that fine tightrope of reality between denial and hope. An entire global community is in mourning, yet called to honesty and full awareness. I miss what used to be and pray for us all to be safe. I pray even more that when “this” crisis is over, we refuse to return to a “normal” that never was. Rather I hope we’ll take stock and create a new “normal” where denial is a price we’re unwilling to pay for a world that is.
) Recently I called up a close friend I hadn’t talked to in a while. I was checking on how he was doing. He and his wife had taken their camper to a deserted campground far from the hustle-bustle of the big city they lived in. It seemed like a good precaution to me, but when I said I found the situation with Covid19 virus very anxiety-provoking, he launched into a long argument. About how people die from the flu every day, that it usually hits the elderly harder than the young and that really it was not any worse than a bad flu season.
Sometimes denial is a helpful mechanism that allows us to get through our day without collapsing. It is just one of the coping techniques all of us are adopting. Personally I prefer Premier Legault’s advice to have a glass of wine every evening – but I digress. Although denial is a natural protective reaction when the truth is too hard to bear, in the long run it does not serve us well. Were we not all shocked to see the beaches of Florida full last week? Remaining in denial of our situation puts lives at risk. This virus is teaching us that it is imperative that we all face reality, and in a united way, if we want those we love to survive. Never before has the message been clearer. Together we stand, divided we fall.
One word, you’ve heard from all four of us. Now it’s your turn to reflect: What role does denial play in your own life, and how do you deal with it?
Rev. Mead Baldwin pastors the Waterville & North Hatley pastoral charge; Rabbi Boris Dolin leads the Dorshei-emet community in Montreal; Rev. Lee Ann Hogle ministers to the Ayer’s Cliff, Magog & Georgeville United Churches; Rev. Carole Martignacco, Unitarian Universalist is retired from ministry with Uuestrie and now resides in St. Andrews bythe-sea NB, but keeps one foot in the Townships by continuing with this column.