Gadg et Guru’s magic box

Guru is – or rather Guru’s family are – determined that he be first in line for Elon Musk’s one-way trip to Mars, so it’s time to stock up with spacefaring gimmicks. Of course it is. Stowed neatly in Guru’s carry-on baggage, weight limits be damned, will be Ozma Records’ impeccable repackage of Voyager’s golden record, successfully Kickstarted at press time. It comes with a lovely book, exquisite packaging, and three slabs of vinyl containing all the audio from the world’s most distant record, currently hurtling through interstellar space some 20 billion kilometres away. Sadly it is not made of real gold, so will be useless for barter in the new world society. GaGu may have to use his glistening false molars instead. At least one of Guru’s hounds deserves the experience, too. It’ll probably be Teeth, the only mutt small enough to fit in the utterly ludicrous and almost-certainly-not-space-proof Pet Dog Astronaut Capsule Backpack (£41). It’s an essential note of retro flair for the mission, giving the little blighter air holes and a little window through which to view the action, while keeping him and his biters safely zipped away from the rest of the crew. We’ll keep his appetite at bay with authentic (and similarly retro) Ice Cream Space Food, £3.50 from www.sciencemuseumshop.co.uk. It may or may not have been eaten on the Apollo missions, and is definitely a disgusting crunchy oddity; hopefully Mr Musk has a decent chef on board...

Finally, GaGu last issue promised a review of the Gtech Ebike (£995), so here goes. Blimey, it’s a bit weird. Despite Guru’s bulk sailing above the weight limit of the dainty City version, a tiny push of the pedals kicks the motor into action, with an eerie boost of speed. By golly, it works. You still need to push a bit, mind. Mrs Guru – not a natural cyclist – has been commuting on it, so here’s some further feedback: it’s brilliant, the 30-mile range equates to about 16 miles in real terms, and it’s really odd when you top 15MPH and the motor drops out – particularly when there’s no immediate boost if you hit an incline at speed.