T3

GADGET GURU’S MAGIC BOX

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Allow GaGu his indulgence­s, serf, for this bit of this particular page is his so he gets to spout off about the Apple Vision Pro (somewhere upwards of £3,500, probably) and you can’t stop him even if you’re Tim Cook himself. Guru does not dislike the Vision Pro. He’s not sure what it is for, at this point – nothing VR or AR makes any sense unless it has a vibrant ecosystem supporting it, and Apple hasn’t built one of those – but the hardware itself is incredibly impressive. It’s a glimpse of the future.

The problem is the people. It’s you. It’s the dorks wibbling their hands around typing on an invisible keyboard while sat on a train. It’s the utter dingbats walking along a road wearing that stupid headset on their stupid faces just for attention, as if anyone seeing you will think anything other than creative swears. It’s the utterly irresponsi­ble wastes of skin – get this – driving (or, worse, allowing their Teslas to drive themselves) with their eyeballs completely covered by expensive Apple technology and their peripheral vision gone. The Vision Pro has brought out the worst in people trying to get attention on the internet, and it won’t be long before someone is severely beaten up or even killed because of their actions.

Believe it or not, Guru doesn’t want to see anyone hurt. Here’s an idea for a TikTok-friendly stunt: you shove that thing on your face, in your house, sat safely in a chair, and then – here’s the difficult bit – don’t film yourself at all. That’ll be friendly to Guru’s timeline anyway.

Or how about taking the Vision Pro off, putting it down, going for a mildly risky ride on a OneWheel GT (around £2,300), and returning to your house exhilarate­d through having enjoyed the world through your own two eyes rather than through expensive wally-goggles?

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