How to manage the fuzzy line of rudeness

COVID continues to wear down many of us. The uncertainty and challenges to keep up with the demands of life and work are draining. When we feel emotionally drained, it’s common to be more fatigued, irritable and, at times, even rude.

Rudeness is subjective, but the experience is universally unpleasant. A person may be more at risk of being perceived as rude when they’re distracted, stressed, fatigued, lack self-awareness, have gaps in empathy or want to hurt someone. However, this is never acceptable, whatever the excuse.

We all know what rudeness feels like, and most of us don’t like it when we’re the target. Some push back; others absorb or ignore it and do nothing.

Acts of rudeness are violations of corporate values and over time can increase the risk of bullying, harassment and sexual harassment. Rudeness can be a situation between two employees or cultural.

Leaders who care about respectful workplaces understand that employees’ experiences matter and reducing acts of rudeness between employees is good for the culture.

Is your organization actively taking measurable actions to reduce rudeness? Likely not. But when it comes to customer experience, any act of rudeness revealed by a customer complaint is typically dealt with quickly to not lose a customer.

Employees are at a much greater risk of quitting a culture where they don’t feel they’re being treated fairly. Chronic exposure to rudeness is draining and erodes respect.

A lack of intention to monitor employees’ experiences around perceived rudeness can provide space for it to grow and, when left to fester, it can negatively affect how employees treat each other.

All respectful workplace initiatives are intended to set and enforce safe social norms. A low bar is treating each other with kindness, as well as being open to fix mistakes, regardless of the reason. If an employee is rude to another, they should apologize when appropriate to do so.

If you owned a company and were asked the following questions, how would you answer?

Do you care if employees are rude to each other?

Do you believe rudeness can negatively affect employee performance?

Do you believe employers can play a role in positively shaping cultural norms?

If you answer yes to all three, then you know employers can positively shape a culture.

There are three roles to focus on: receivers (set a boundary), doers (once aware, apologize and correct the behaviour) and bystanders (say something). Each can be influenced through awareness initiatives and professional development.

Focusing on improving civility can help a culture mature and maintain civility.

Senior leadership should take a public stance on rudeness. Start with the most senior leaders sharing their thoughts in internal communication that describes rudeness.

They can make it clear they don’t want to assume; they want to know that rudeness is not aligned to the organization’s values. They can promote and reinforce that when an employee is rude they should own it and fix it quickly. Accept that people make mistakes, and this doesn’t mean they’re bad.

Encourage forgiveness and respect for others.

Provide training. Don’t assume all employees have the same frame of reference. Each has their context that influences their beliefs on what is polite or rude behaviour. One way to help training have an impact is to anonymously collect stories from employees on what happened to them and why they think it was rude. Sharing common themes can increase awareness, context and teachable moments.

Talk about the fuzzy line in team meetings. Talking about expectations reinforces cultural values and gains insight into how comfortable employees are to share their concerns or to set and hold each other to expectations to do no harm to another and to be open to feedback if it’s perceived they’re doing so.