Ask Ellie: Grandma can’t get enough of new grandchild

QUESTION: My fiance and I have a six-month-old daughter. Since her birth, I’ve had mother-in-law issues.

I’m bound (like a contract) to see my in-laws every Saturday for “lunch” — a whole-day event from 1 to 10 p.m.

Also, she’ll usually call to see if she can “pass by” after work, which means staying for dinner.

Or, some other event arises, so I end up spending two days a week with her.

The “family together time” with grand parents can be overwhelming to me.

I’m currently having a relationship rut with my fiance and we spend more quality time with his parents or friends than we do together with our daughter.

How do I nicely tell his mother that my family takes priority first?

It’ll be very hard because she cries when she gets the slightest bit offended and she turns everything around to be all about herself. — In-law Demands

ANSWER: You’ve been swooped up into an in-law love-fest regarding the new baby, just when you need rest and relationship time after having her!

It’s a natural, common grandparent reaction — they’re excited, proud, and eager to be part of your daughter’s life.

But what feels like an invasion of “others” is actually an over-enthused embrace of their son and you, along with your baby.

Explain all this to your fiance and ask for his help (rather than just blame his mother, because he’s likely as uncomfortable as you are about her “tears”).

Together, you two need to find time for yourselves as friends, partners, and lovers, as well as for your new life as parents.

Trust me, every couple has to make this adjustment. It’s sometimes called setting boundaries, but at this point, with everything new for all of you, it doesn’t have to be done through harsh statements.

Your fiance has to tell his parents that you two need time alone or you’ll forget how to make more babies in future. They’ll get that.

As for Saturday’s marathon “lunches,” decide together how to gently cut the time frame to either lunch or dinner (a few hours maximum) because you both need to catch up on work, sleep, whatever.

So long as you stay connected on showing that you appreciate some “family time” but also need the same thing for your own small unit, there’s no insult involved here.

TIP OF THE DAY New parents need time alone together besides visits with eager relatives.

Read Ellie Monday to Saturday in The Daily Courier.