Sister’s wedding invite less than sincere

QUESTION: I haven’t decided whether to attend my sister’s upcoming wedding.

I wasn’t asked to be part of the wedding, though an old friend of hers and her husband will be.

I didn’t receive a wedding invitation until the day after the RSVP final date.

We only got one because my mom kept asking her about it.

Also, she publicly bashed me on Facebook when I commented on why she’d cancelled her “stag and doe” (people thought they may have broken up, but that wasn’t so).

After confronting her about her post, she won’t look me in the eye when my husband and I pick up my niece to go swimming.

I’m not fond of her fiance as he has a drinking problem. He’s driven my niece and nephew around after a few beers.

Do I respond, “No,” explaining that I feel she doesn’t want us there?

Or, do I reply “Yes” so I don’t have to worry about my whole family being angry with me?

ANSWER: You’re an involved aunt despite these squabbles, and for the sake of her children and all the family, you should attend the wedding.

It’s obvious to your sister that you disapprove of her groom. Yet you’ll accomplish nothing by just showing attitude.

She needs a sister who’s seen as a voice of reason.

You’ll then be able to gently discuss concerns about his driving when drinking, which puts her kids, her and anyone else at risk.

You don’t want the whole family angry at you for not attending, because your opinions can then be ignored or misunderstood, especially if you express them unwisely.

Explaining her actions on Facebook wasn’t your responsibility. That was up to her to do.

Instead, you could have advised her that people misunderstood and suggested that she might want to explain.

She’s lucky to have a sister who cares, which I believe you do. Don’t push her away.

Email ellie@thestar.ca.