Man feels worth­less af­ter wife left him

The Daily Courier - - LIFE ARTS - EL­LIE TESHER

QUES­TION: I’m hav­ing a very hard time since my ex-wife left me.

She never flat-out said she was un­happy. When I was un­happy and wanted to leave, she wanted me to stay. I did, to work on things.

Then, af­ter fight­ing, she said she had feel­ings for a friend. She up and left, de­stroy­ing our small fam­ily and me.

She left our sta­bil­ity, our home, our two chil­dren, and me.

I found coun­selling use­less. I con­stantly feel worth­less and have dark thoughts.

She left me for a man who can’t work due to health rea­sons, has de­clared bank­ruptcy and has no li­cence or car.

But WHY? It’s been six months and I feel nearly the same.

How do I move for­ward from feel­ing empty, or is the re­cov­ery pe­riod from this a long time?

AN­SWER: Since you de­scribe be­ing un­happy even be­fore she left, some­thing clearly wasn’t go­ing well be­tween you two.

It was mu­tual dis­con­tent. But she lacked your strength of will to work on the mar­riage.

The other man, with ob­vi­ous health and fi­nan­cial needs, pro­vided her “es­cape.”

That does not make you worth­less. In­stead, she knew that you have the abil­ity to be on your own, while she doesn’t.

Cou­ples sep­a­rate for myr­iad rea­sons — some out of frus­tra­tions, which may be more about them­selves than about their part­ner. Hope­less­ness gets you nowhere. If you weren’t ready ear­lier for coun­selling in­sights, try again, per­haps with a dif­fer­ent pro­fes­sional.

Heal­ing isn’t a choice — it’s es­sen­tial. Your chil­dren need you to show them how to deal with dif­fi­cult change.

Sur­round your­self with sup­port­ive fam­ily and friends. And find your in­ner strength to sur­vive and sur­mount this.

If de­pres­sion per­sists, see a med­i­cal doc­tor for treat­ment as well as your coun­sel­lor.

Email el­lie@thes­tar.ca.

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