Man feels worthless after wife left him

QUESTION: I’m having a very hard time since my ex-wife left me.

She never flat-out said she was unhappy. When I was unhappy and wanted to leave, she wanted me to stay. I did, to work on things.

Then, after fighting, she said she had feelings for a friend. She up and left, destroying our small family and me.

She left our stability, our home, our two children, and me.

I found counselling useless. I constantly feel worthless and have dark thoughts.

She left me for a man who can’t work due to health reasons, has declared bankruptcy and has no licence or car.

But WHY? It’s been six months and I feel nearly the same.

How do I move forward from feeling empty, or is the recovery period from this a long time?

ANSWER: Since you describe being unhappy even before she left, something clearly wasn’t going well between you two.

It was mutual discontent. But she lacked your strength of will to work on the marriage.

The other man, with obvious health and financial needs, provided her “escape.”

That does not make you worthless. Instead, she knew that you have the ability to be on your own, while she doesn’t.

Couples separate for myriad reasons — some out of frustrations, which may be more about themselves than about their partner. Hopelessness gets you nowhere. If you weren’t ready earlier for counselling insights, try again, perhaps with a different professional.

Healing isn’t a choice — it’s essential. Your children need you to show them how to deal with difficult change.

Surround yourself with supportive family and friends. And find your inner strength to survive and surmount this.

If depression persists, see a medical doctor for treatment as well as your counsellor.

Email ellie@thestar.ca.