Massage therapy arouses woman

DEAR ELLIE:

I’m a working mother who gets a massage every few weeks, to ease muscle tensions. I usually see the same female massage therapist.

Recently, the receptionist said the therapist had just had a family emergency and had to leave.

I was offered a massage with a newly hired male therapist. I took it.

The experience was very disturbing — not from anything he did wrong, but from my reaction. He was proper and professional, used a towel to cover my private area, and held it up to block seeing me when I turned over.

Yet I felt very aroused and restless. He was nice-looking but not overly so. I don’t know why I reacted so strongly.

Even thinking about him now makes me flushed.

I’m 40, with two school-age children. I love my husband and we have fairly regular sex. Is there something wrong with me to have gotten so turned on by a stranger? Would it be playing with fire for me to keep seeing him for massage? Or is this some kind of overdrive before menopause hits me?

ANSWER:

It’s not that surprising that, being met with an unknown and previously unexpected male in a small massage room in which you’re mostly naked, that you’d feel restless and awkward, at the very least.

What was normally a time for you of total relaxation became charged with sexual awareness.

There’s nothing “wrong” with you regarding that first encounter.

As for menopause, age 40 can certainly bring some hormonal changes, including hot-and-bothering sweats, but they’re usually more negatively felt rather than a surge of sexual passion.

You’ll soon enough know whether you’ve started into having hot flashes or this was an isolated reaction.

Now for the most important question: Would you be playing with fire to have your regular massage with him? Absolutely!

You’d be anticipating the same reaction, perhaps even inviting it sub-consciously. It could lead to risking this man’s job if he responded to your vibe.

Look at it this way: You experienced an arousal that can be a turning point in your sex life with your husband. Take that curiosity home and try something different — massage each other after the kids go to sleep. Cuddle naked. Make time for sex.

TIP OF THE DAY “No time for sex” is a choice you can change.

Ellie Tesher is a Torontobased advice columnist. Email: ellie@thestar.ca.