Save the flirting for your boyfriend

QUESTION: Should I feel guilty because I’m overly flirtatious? My boyfriend and I dated for several years and moved in together six months ago, in our late-20s.

I’ve always been flirty, it’s fun. But I don’t cheat. I like it best if the guy responds in kind but I don’t give out my phone number.

I make it clear that we’re just playing a game. — Flirty Girl

ANSWER: You don’t have to feel guilty but you do have to be smart.

You’re playing with two people’s feelings — your flirt partner and your boyfriend.

And you’re playing with a risk factor to yourself.

Flirting’s a game as old as humankind, but so is jealousy, anger and revenge.

Be careful with whom you tease then disappoint. There’s also a matter of respect. Your boyfriend may not appreciate your habit of turning on other guys.

And your flirt-target may feel disrespected (or worse) when your attentions wane.

Realistically, lots of people flirt at work, with contacts at coffee haunts, at the gym, etc.

But the best use of that heightened arousal when you’re already in a relationship, is to keep it casual when out, then take it home.

Use it to spice up the relationship you already have.

QUESTION: I’m a female, and early teenager going through a bad time. My problem is a toxic relationship with the girl who was my best friend for four months. She’d helped me through so much.

When my last BFF and I had a fight, she was always there for me.

Then she started to change. This new girl came here and my friend never had time for me anymore. It was always their show after that.

It sounds like I’m jealous, but I can’t help myself.

My friend began vaping and almost started to drop school.

She doesn’t tell her mom where she’s going and has started wearing provocative clothes.

Now she just uses me as her rebound and doesn’t say nice things to me, even using the fword whenever she talks to me.

Another girl has joined those two and now they are like a trio.

The new one has told me that my former best friend likes them more, and I’m not even special to her.

Sometimes I believe her and it upsets me.

This has been happening long enough that I feel stuck.

One time I stood up to my friend and we had a massive fight.

If I stand up to her again, she always wins and has her way.

Also, she has been really obsessed with a guy. She said that she doesn’t like him but she does everything he says.

What should I do? — Left Behind

ANSWER: Move forward. She’s no friend. She can’t be trusted, turned

against you, is rude to you, easily swayed by new people.

You’re smart enough to see her flaws.

Put on a brave face, and be friendly to others at your school.

Unlike her, don’t go after someone just because they’re new, or to form a bully posse.

That’s not being popular. It’s looking for trouble.

Your former friend has changed in very negative ways, between skipping school and being secretive with her mother.

You can only hope that she doesn’t end up in a bad situation.

You showed strength in trying to stand up to her but this isn’t the right time for that. She’s not in a receptive state; she just wants to impress these new friends by acting tough.

There are other girls who aren’t nasty who’ll appreciate your friendship.

QUESTION: In two more years, I’ll get my Bachelor of Arts degree, but feel that Criminal Justice is the wrong program for me.

I want to pursue a one-year firefighting program, and get qualifications for my dream career.

The job’s very competitive, so if I drop the degree program and don’t get into firefighting, I’ll have wasted money and time.

I don’t know how my parents will feel about this because it can be an unstable path. — Uncertain

ANSWER: Every career choice has unpredictable aspects, but your dream career is clearly more appealing.

You can dither too long and turn decision-making into uncertainty, confusion and even depression.

Short-term career counselling can be helpful. Learn whether you have skills and attitudes appropriate for firefighting.

Also find out whether having that BA degree first would make your firefighting bid stronger in the competition for places.

Once decided, show determination to your parents and yourself. TIP OF THE DAY Flirting is fun when it’s not hurtful to others or risks harm to yourself.

Email ellie@thestar.ca