Control your finances
DEAR ELLIE: I’m 65, divorced, retired on a fixed income, and engaged to a man, 52.
We recently bought a home together with his name only on the mortgage, but both our names on the deed. I gave $15,000 for the down-payment; he didn’t have any to put down.
Because I cashed in an investment to do this, I also had to take a loan to pay the taxes.
Now the home I shared with my ex-husband has sold, so I’ll be able to pay off my loan, plus a credit card bill.
But my fiance wants me to put more money on this house, plus his credit card, so he won’t have such a large balance.
I’d like to share some of this money with my two adult children (he has no children or family and isn’t fond of mine).
If I don’t do this, he wants to take my name off the deed so my kids won’t get anything after I’m gone. If he should go first, I wouldn’t have a claim on this place, even though I’ve already invested a lot of time and money on it. He’s also pressuring me for marriage.
Does it sound like he’s using me? — Bad Signals
ANSWER: He’s taking advantage of you and behaving in a controlling manner. On the financial and legal matters, you need professional advice. It’s worth your time and some money to put all this before a lawyer. Then seek some advice from a senior person where you bank.
The main point is this: The money you receive from the house you shared with your ex has nothing to do with this man.
If you wished to share some with him, fine. But your children are logical recipients of some help if they need it, from this house sale. The fact that your fiance is threatening you to not inherit any part of a house on which you’ve paid the down payment and are on the deed, is a VERY bad signal.
Get more informed on your rights, then re-think the whole relationship.
Reader’s Commentary
“Many people urge grandparents who are denied access to their grandkids, to determine their legal rights.
“They should, as laws are different everywhere.
“For example, the Children’s Law Reform Act was amended in Ontario, Canada in 2016. But it doesn’t mean that grandparents automatically have rights to their grandchildren. It now states that grandparents, specifically, can apply to be considered in custody and access proceedings.
“However, in Ontario, unless a parent has died (i.e. dad passed away and mom isn’t allowing the paternal grandparents access similar to what they had when he was alive), or the children already have a sustained and beneficial relationship with the grandparent(s), the court will generally not intervene or interfere with a legally competent parent’s right to manage his or her children’s associations.
“If a grandparent tries to sue and loses, there’s little chance of convincing the custodial parent to grant access.”
TIP OF THE DAY When a partner’s controlling your money with threats, get legal and financial advice immediately.
Email ellie@thestar.ca.