Yes, people do change
Well known motivational speaker John Maxwell suggests that people change under three conditions: when it hurts so bad they have to; when they learn enough they want to; and when they receive enough that they are able to.
His assessment has long intrigued me. What motivates people to stop unhealthy or destructive behavior and what inspires them to start lifegiving changes?
We all know individuals who smoked heavily for decades and declared that quitting was impossible. Then a sudden, serious health scare and they miraculously quit smoking on the spot.
I recently observed one young man who had embraced an unhealthy eating lifestyle for years but who last year made a decision to change. He lost 130 pounds in one year. What an accomplishment.
It is not unusual to see young men or women who embrace irresponsible patterns of living meet someone, fall in love and get married and almost overnight their outlook and behaviour changes. The same thing also often occurs with the birth of a child.
Cynics suggest people don’t ever truly change. If I believed that I’d have to resign both my position and my beliefs on the spot.
Although I sympathize with the experiences that lead to such a conclusion, it doesn’t negate the fact that one of the most deeply treasured beliefs of the Christian faith is that God is in the transformation business. His transforming work seems to fit best in Maxwell’s third category. It’s a transformation that occurs when someone receives so much love and grace they become convinced change really can occur.
There is a stark distinction between God’s transformation and picking oneself up by one’s own bootstraps.
Most New Year’s resolutions prove the futility of the bootstrap approach.
Rather this is a case of accessing and embracing a Higher Power, namely the love of a God who desires us to live to our fullest potential, and not dragged down by addictions or destructive habits.
As a preacher, I am occasionally confronted by individuals who suggest that the path to positive change is to make people feel bad about their current situation.
“Pastor, you need to ‘Give ‘em hell’” is a phrase I’ve heard more than a few times. Of course, it is always someone else they have in mind as the target of the fire and brimstone.
Fortunately there is a pretty good example to follow that does not embrace that approach.
Jesus rarely “Gave ‘em hell.” Rather He engaged in a lifestyle of forgiveness and redemption and of calling people to a higher level. He wanted them to receive so much that they were able to embrace positive life-change.
It is rare to meet individuals who are not keenly and graphically aware of their own flaws and failures. Most of us do not need to be informed of areas in which we need to undergo change. And, it is true that sometimes the pain accompanying those circumstances will inspire change in us. Most often, however, lasting transformation only occurs when we learn and receive enough love and grace that we become convinced positive change can be not only a possibility but a reality.
Summer weeks typically provide opportunity for inner reflection. We pause from our routine, rest and then reload for another season.
Might not be a bad exercise to wonder intently about areas in which you need to stop or start something and to discern which of Maxwell’s three conditions resonate most deeply with you.
Tim Schroeder is a pastor at Trinity Baptist Church.