Not giving up on Julio Jones, banking on Lynch vs. Seahawks

For all of you that took my suggestion and started James Conner last week against the Falcons, I’ll accept your 33.5 thank you letters at your earliest convenience.

For those of you who own Amari Cooper and figured he was worth a shot, you deserve to be shot. Cooper has epitomized boom or bust through the first five weeks, but his recent one-point affair was simply spiteful.

The vicissitudes of the NFL schedule are slicing and dicing into fantasy teams across the globe, and finding consistently productive players is proving to be more difficult than it is for Doug Baldwin to resemble any sort of threat.

The threat of missing the playoffs is looming large for many of my readers — but I am here to dissipate such unsightly worries. No one can know the future, but I am the immaculate exception.

SMART STARTS

Put the following players in your lineup for Week 6:

Julio Jones vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

There is a veritable symphony of bells tolling for the career of Julio Jones — the man is living in a campanile at this point. In arguably his most favourable matchup of the season this far, Julio was anything but Jonesing for the red zone, mustering another weak week without a TD.

Every trend would have him absent from such a region again — but this is fantasy football. Patterns are fickle and rationale is insidious: this is the week Jones scores a touchdown. Mark your calendars with a large, red pen.

Marshawn Lynch vs. Seattle Seahawks

Though this game is not necessarily a grudge match, it is the first time Lynch will return to the stadium in which the “Beastquake” occurred.

Will his return to Seattle be welcomed by fans? Not after he goes off for over 15 fantasy points. This retiree will be doing a whole lot more than birdwatching this weekend.

Robby Anderson vs. Indianapolis Colts

Last week, Robby Anderson sprinted the past defenders faster than he racks up reckless driving arrests.

Mr. Anderson is The One to start against an Indianapolis defence more suspect than himself in an alleged street race. Expect Robby to vindicate himself with touchdown celebrations.

FIT TO SIT

Put the following players on your bench for Week 6:

Mason Crosby vs. San Francisco 49ers

You’ve heard of phantom limb syndrome, but last week was bantam limb syndrome for Mason Crosby. He played like an amateur eighth grader with his mind on his next algebra assignment.

Sidney Crosby felt the need to publicly call a press conference just to ensure that every man, woman and child in America knew he was not related to this limp-footed man.

Mason missed FIVE kicking attempts last weekend, a shameful record he will likely forever hold until the NFL decides to let an actual turkey attempt kicking field goals in the spirit of Thanksgiving.

Mitchell Trubisky vs. Miami Dolphins

Two weeks ago, Mr. Truthbisky exploded on to the scene against the Buccaneers, totalling over 30 fantasy points in the first half of the game. While I hesitate to label this performance an anomaly, such a game will not be replicated against this pack of hungry Dolphins.

Derek Carr vs. Seattle Seahawks

Who is he throwing to again? Oh, Amari Cooper and Martavis Bryant. I’ll pass hard. He won’t pass well. Toby Collis Handford is a fourth-year English major at UBCO, a flag football wide receiver, a fantasy football champion, and a weekly guest columnist for The Daily Courier. Email: toby.collishandford@gmail.com.